HOW TO GET CLOSE QUICK
Arthur Aron, a researcher at the International Relationships Lab at Stony Brook University, has studied what happens to us internally when we fall in love. Besides that, he’s developed a quiz for “generating interpersonal closeness”, a series of 35 questions that can speed up the falling-in-love process by quickly increasing the emotional intimacy in your relationship.
The process usually takes about 45 minutes, and almost always helps us to get to know each other better, often making us more eager to meet up again.
Pay attention to this rule: you both need to answer the first question before you advance to the second question, then you both need to answer that question before advancing to the next one, and so on.
Feel free to bring these 35 questions along the next time you meet your date or partner:
1
Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner party guest? 2
Would you like to be famous? In what way? 3
Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why? 4 What would constitute a perfect day for you? 5 When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? 6 If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose? 7 Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8
Name three things you both appear to have in common.
9
For what in your life do you feel most grateful? 10 If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? 11 Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
12
What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? 13 What is your most terrible memory? 14 If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? 15
What does friendship mean to you? 16
If you could change anything about the way you were brought up, what would it be?
17
Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
18
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be? 19
What do you value most in a friendship?
20
What is your most treasured memory? 21 What roles do love and affection play in your life? 22 Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. 23
How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24
How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
25
Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling...”
26
Complete this sentence: “I wish
I had someone with whom I could share...”
27
If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, what would be important for them to know?
28
Tell your partner what you like about them –
be honest, saying things that you might not say to someone you’d just met.
29
Share an embarrassing moment in your life. 30
When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 31 If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? 32 Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
33
Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most upsetting? Why? 34
Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask them to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen. 35
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?