My fam­ily won’t ac­cept I’m gay

Northern Outlook - - FRONT PAGE -

Q: I am the daugh­ter of a mostly re­li­gious fam­ily. My grand­par­ents are good old Bi­ble thumpers. They at­tend church weekly and raised my mother and un­cle un­der the same be­liefs they up­hold.

One of those be­liefs, how­ever, is that be­ing gay is wrong. And I so hap­pen to be gay. I love my fam­ily, but I can’t keep lis­ten­ing to their near-con­stant ho­mo­pho­bic com­ments.

I’ve al­ready told my mother and she banned me from telling any­one else then brushed it off as a phase and hasn’t changed any­thing. What do I do? I can’t keep liv­ing like this.

You only get one life so you have to live the best and truest life you can. If you keep that premise at the fore­front of your mind then you’ll have a barom­e­ter to check your ac­tions against.

You’ve al­ready made a good start by be­ing hon­est with your mother and the fact that she said, ‘‘don’t tell any­one else’’, rather than, ‘‘get out of my life’’, is a plus, al­beit a small one.


I can well un­der­stand you love your fam­ily and don’t want to lose them and I hope they won’t want to lose you. They may never ac­cept you be­ing gay but learn­ing to live in harmony and hope­fully with re­spect is your best-case sce­nario. The fewer ties you cut now, the bet­ter – be­ing os­tracised from your fam­ily brings an­other whole layer of un­hap­pi­ness.

Your let­ter doesn’t say how old you are. If you’re still at school and de­pen­dant then the best thing you can do is plan the fu­ture you want. You need peo­ple to talk to who will sup­port you and I’d say the school coun­sel­lor is a good place to start.

If you’re an adult, then find your com­mu­nity of friends and start to live how­ever, and with


If your fam­ily are bat­tling to ac­cept that you are gay, you will need peo­ple to talk to who will sup­port you, like a coun­sel­lor.

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