CONFESSIONS OF A WORKING MOTHER

RACHEL KLAVER PRESENTS NINE TRIED AND TESTED SURVIVAL TIPS FOR WORKING PARENTS WHO OWN AND MANAGE BUSINESSES.

Rachel Klaver presents nine tried and tested survival tips for working parents who own and manage businesses.

Many of us manage the juggle of family and work – driving home from work to spend time with over-tired children who need dinner NOW and then sprinting to bedtime, before briefly getting the house all to yourself again. Finding a good balance between home and work is often cited as a key reason why business owners strike out on their own. For some, the balance is set out clearly from the start, and maintained. For those of us who focus on balance, the school pick-ups, the attendance at camps, and having time as a family in the weekends becomes a huge part of our “why” for our business.

For many of us however, it’s a bit of a slog to get to that point. What started out as a business that would provide us with flexibility, becomes an all-consuming affair, and you find yourself dragging your children in to ‘sit and play quietly’ while working to a deadline, or pop in to get work done during the weekend.

Every parent/child/work dynamic is different, but here are nine simple tips to help make the juggle feel easier.

1. SURVIVING IS A GREAT GOAL

We all have different levels of coping. Plus we’ve all got different life experiences. I know my years as a single parent were far more difficult to do more than “survive”, than my current marriage with a husband who also works, but shares the load at home. If everything is pretty tricky, it’s important to focus on survival first. This includes being kind to yourself, and being kind to everyone else around you (including your children).

“If you feel pulled in both directions and second guess your decisions you'll struggle to enjoy either part of your life. Make the choices conscious, and you'll cope better.”

If it includes long hours, not enough sleep, and a bucketload of stress, you need to know you will survive this. And sometimes that’s enough. It will pass. It will get better.

2. IT’S ALL ABOUT CONSCIOUS CHOICES

It’s really important to make conscious choices around what you do and don’t do as you work out how to balance work and home. For instance, if you choose not to attend Friday night drinks because you want to be home as a family, you choose to not feel left out on Monday morning if everyone is talking about them. Or, if you choose to skip an assembly at school because you’ve prioritised work over it, then don’t let the ‘guilts’ get you. If you feel pulled in both directions and second guess your decisions you’ll struggle to enjoy either part of your life.

Make the choices conscious, and you’ll cope better.

3. TAKE LUNCH BREAKS

It’s tempting to skip lunch so you can get home a little earlier. Lunch breaks are great sanity savers. Take yours and take it as a proper break. If it’s fine, walk outside. Remember there’s a world outside your work and your commute.

4. PUT IN SELF-CARE TIME

It’s difficult to find the time but it’s very important to squeeze in self-care on top of work and your family. It might be going to the gym, going for a walk on the way home from work, or catching a movie every now and again – whatever it is, it’s essential. If life is just work and family, it’s going to be a hard road.

5. ASK FOR, AND ACCEPT, HELP

No one (or two) people can do it all. Ask for help when you need it, but even more importantly, accept help when it is offered. No one will parent your children like you do. But children are incredibly resilient and adaptable small humans, and they will most likely enjoy the different experiences this ‘sharing the load’ gives them (and if not, they’ll appreciate you more).

6. FALL IN LOVE WITH THE DRY RUN

Change is inevitable if children, work and you are involved. So make sure that with every change, you do a dry run before you actually have to do the real thing. For example, if there is a new school, test out how to get there in time before work, before you’ve got to do it for real. Dry run as much as you can – it helps your children feel more settled and takes away some of the natural increase of anxiety on the first day of anything.

7. DON’T FALL INTO INSTA-COMPARISONS

It’s so easy to flick through Instagram and Facebook posts and feel completely deflated as a working parent. Unless you love it, you don’t have to spend all weekend making the best theme party of the year! Do what you are happy to do, and stop looking at how other parents compare. You don’t know how little they’ve done this week, or what else they’ve missed out on to get that perfect shot.

8. CHORES MAKE THE CHILD

Don’t be afraid of sharing the home jobs with your children. Even two year olds can help put away their toys at the end of the day. Take time to teach your children how to clean and cook as they grow. By the time they are teens, they’ll be able to cook at least once a week, and clean the house. (We started paying our children to clean the house after the last cleaner left. Was the best idea ever! But the work has to be of a high enough standard to get paid!)

9. CONSIDER THE GROUP DUVET DAY

If one child is sick and it’s the beginning of the flu season, take a sick day and make EVERYONE stay home for the day. The sick child has rest, but so do all of you – and often this is enough to give you all a little bit more strength and rest to improve your chances of all staying healthy. Make it a duvet day (and catch up on some Netflix).