TALKING IT THROUGH

ONE OF THE BEST WAYS TO HELP PEOPLE THROUGH TOUGH TIMES IS TO GET IN TOUCH AND LISTEN TO SHOW SUPPORT. BUT WHAT MAKES A GOOD LISTENER? HERE ARE SOME TIPS FROM FARMSTRONG AMBASSADOR SAM WHITELOCK.

Iknow from my background in farming and professional sport that just talking can be a huge help to someone who is feeling ‘under the pump’.

So, if you see someone struggling, start a conversation, ask them how they’re going and make time for a proper catch-up, whether it’s over a coffee or at the pub.

But before you do, I suggest brushing up on your listening skills. You’ll find these useful for your business anyway. It’s widely acknowledged that ‘soft skills’, like the way we talk and listen to others, give and receive feedback, and involve others in decisions, are an important part of creating a topperforming team. Listening well creates the sort of environment that builds trust and relationships and makes sure everyone’s pulling in the same direction.

What Makes A Good Listener?

Everyone thinks they can listen, but there’s more to it than you think. Listening is a skill we can all work on and improve. Here’s my take on what makes a good listening conversation. • Choose a good time to talk.

• Begin with a simple question like ‘how are you getting on?’

• Give the person your full attention. Don’t get distracted.

• Be comfortable with silence. Leave gaps. Let the other person do most of the talking.

• Don’t jump in with your solution to the problem.

• Keep an open mind and be nonjudgmental.

One of the best techniques I’ve learnt is to embrace silence. If you ask a question, just wait. Sometimes it gets to a stage when it feels uncomfortably awkward, it might be 5,10, 20 seconds, but you’ll often find if you wait long enough, the other person will say something and you can actually break down that barrier. It also means you can take in their information properly.

Remember, you don’t need to ‘fix’ the other person’s problem to be a good listener. I know whenever I’ve felt under stress, I probably know the answer already in my head but when someone gives you an opportunity to say something, that silence often allows you to answer your own question.

Farmer to farmer

Farmstrong has developed You Matter, Let’s Natter, an initiative designed to pass on listening skills to farmers so they can support each other through tough times. You can check out tips and videos on the Farmstrong website. Here’s what a few of the farmers involved have to say about it.

“As farmers we need to use everything at our disposal to look after each other. One of the easiest resources we have is a set of ears! Just staying focused and concentrating on what the other person’s telling you, takes practice. It’s definitely a skill. One thing I struggled with initially was to just listen rather than provide solutions. As farmers we’re so used to problem-solving, but it’s not that helpful if you leap straight in with all the answers. It’s like you’re passing judgement.”

“One of my worries was that I wouldn’t be qualified to help, but you soon realise people have their own solutions and ideas. They just want to talk and the fact that you’re a farmer is a real plus.” Paul Walker, farmer, Pongakawa

“A big part of keeping well on farm is connecting with your mates and checking in on people. People often just need to offload about something that’s happened to them. They want to talk to someone who understands how farming works, is empathetic and good at listening rather trying to solve things for them.”

“One of the best listening conversations I had was with someone who’d asked me to talk to a farming relative of theirs who was struggling. He told me they were so much better and thanked me for going to see them. That’s your reward for being a good listener. It’s a bloody good feeling knowing that you have helped someone. The thing is to get in touch while things are going well, don’t wait until things get on top of people.” Marc Gascoigne, farmer,

Cambridge

“I think You Matter, Let’s Natter is an awesome idea. Grab a cup and go and have a natter with someone you care about. A lot of farmers are still very staunch about asking for help. But even if you find just one other person to tell how you’re feeling, that will help you feel a lot better if you’re feeling stressed. Whether it’s your partner, boss, colleague or a relative, everyone needs to be able to confide in someone. As farmers we need to support each other.”

“We’ve got our You Matter, Let’s Natter mugs in our dairy shed office and we use them every morning when we’re having tea and coffee together.

I heard one of the staff say the other day, ‘come on, let’s go and have a natter’. It a simple idea, but it works.”

Tracey Miller, farmer, Southland

‘Don’t Bottle it Up’

I know myself, whenever there’s been a challenging time, it’s been nice to be able talk about it and share the load. So, if you’re worrying about things all the time and can’t sleep, getting frustrated and losing your rag or feeling isolated, don’t bottle it up, talk to someone.

Getting your feelings out helps you manage pressure and is something that really works for me. Some days I will get home and if I’m feeling a little bit short, I will just ‘turn the tap on’ and let everything come out. Hannah will listen and say nothing and that is all I need. In my experience, it’s better to get it all out, rather than have ‘the tap half on, dripping’ constantly.

There’s also a lot of truth in the old saying ‘two heads are better than one’. One of the best tips for getting through challenging times is to listen to people who have been through similar experiences. Whether it’s a drought, flood or changes to the market, there’ll be a lot of knowledge in your local community about how to navigate these challenges, so make sure you tap into that wisdom and advice.

The power of connection

The science of wellbeing tells us that people with strong social connections are happier, healthier and live longer. Spending time with mates, talking things out and being there for others, makes us feel connected and supported.

So, even when you’re busy, try and make it a priority to stay in touch with others. It may be just a phone call, a text or a chat at the farm gate, but it can make all the difference to how someone feels.

There’s no doubt that having a friendly ear turn to is much better than having none.