Promoting ‘living funerals’
A HAWEA FLAT celebrant is promoting the idea of families arranging ‘‘living funerals’’ for family members who know they have only a short time left to live.
Liz Maluschnig, who is both a celebrant and a counsellor, told the Otago Daily Times this week such ceremonies had occurred historically and were becoming ‘‘more known’’ again in the United States and Britain.
She had not arranged or performed one yet formally, and was unaware of the practice in New Zealand, although she expected it was likely to happen informally in some families.
‘‘It is such an unusual concept and I think I just need to talk about it a little bit so people start to think, ‘well that’s a good idea’ — whether I’m involved or not.’’
As a former nurse who has worked with dying people, and as a counsellor for people with terminal illnesses, she believes the idea has value for families.
She said often New Zealanders were reluctant to say, ‘‘I love you or I’m proud of you’’.
‘‘But, when people are dying, they enter this transition.
‘‘People soften, and it’s a time when people can express those things and say ‘I’m proud of you or I love you’ where they might never have done that in their lives.
‘‘People are more vulnerable, more willing to express intimate things; not always, of course. but often.’’
Ms Maluschnig said the idea of living funerals had been ‘‘awakened’’ by the 1997 bestselling book Tuesdays with Morrie by American writer Mitch Albom, which was a memoir about conversations with 78yearold sociology professor Morrie Schwartz during his final days.
‘‘He said ‘I don’t want people saying nice things when I’m dead’.
‘‘He said, ‘I want to hear it’. ‘‘So he gathered all his close friends and family together and they had this kind of amazing celebration.’’
Holding funerals for the dying used to be quite normal, Ms Maluschnig said.
‘‘To all gather around a dying person dates back centuries, because dying was a social affair.
‘‘They would give longwinded speeches about wisdom gained in their life; family and friends would affirm them and express their love for them.
‘‘But when dying left the home and was taken into the hospital in the 20th century, this whole ritual died as well.’’
She thought living funerals would be appropriate after people were given a ‘‘terminal diagnosis’’ but before they ‘‘transition into that real dying phase’’.
‘‘How lovely to invite people around to have an opportunity to share with each other.
‘‘It would be like wrapping a cocoon of love and warmth around you before you go into that unknown dying phase.’’
She was not suggesting a living funeral would take the place of a normal funeral, she said.