THE SECRET DIARY OF ...
MONDAY
Judith: The world is a nasty, nasty place. Evil creeps in shadows. It crawls in darkness. But very, very little escapes my attention. My eyes have grown used to the dark.
Jan: Palmerston North is so, so friendly! ‘‘Hi, Jan!’’ people call out, as I stroll around the Massey University campus. I don’t stop them, and say, ‘‘Actually I would rather you refer to me as Prof Thomas, or as ViceChancellor.’’ I just wave back, and get on with my day without a thought in my silly head.
Judith: I waited, and I waited, and I waited, and sure enough, I saw a very, very upsetting news story slither into view. The headline read, ‘‘France Passes Law Saying Children Can Consent To Sex With Adults.’’
Well, I hardly needed to read anymore, so I took to Twitter and demanded that Jacinda Ardern denounce this sick legislation.
God I hate her.
Jan: Oh, my, God. This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening. I have been informed that Don Brash will be talking on campus.
Talking. Saying things. Expressing
ideas.
Well, not on my patch. Not in Palmerston North. Not at Massey University.
God I hate ideas.
TUESDAY
Judith: Simon wants a word. I daresay he’s after some advice. Poor, simple Simon! He’s got so much to learn.
Jan: The media want a word. How lovely! I take every opportunity to tell everyone that Massey University is a reputable and credible institution.
WEDNESDAY
Judith: It’ll all blow over. That’s what I told Simon yesterday when he said it wasn’t a good look I was tweeting a fake news story.
‘‘It’s not important,’’ I said.
‘‘It might help if you delete the tweet,’’ he said.
‘‘That would be a sign of weakness,’’ I said.
He didn’t know what to say to that. Poor, simple Simon!
Jan: It’ll all blow over. That’s what I told the board yesterday when they said it wasn’t a good look I was banning someone from giving a speech.
‘‘Plus there were security concerns,’’ I said.
‘‘But this is damaging our reputation,’’ one of them said, ‘‘and Chris Gallavin, a senior academic at the university, has publicly denounced your decision as unequivocally wrong.’’
I didn’t know what to say to that.
THURSDAY
Judith: I often retweet articles of interest. I don’t have to agree with everything in those articles, otherwise I would never tweet anything except my own stuff.
I’ve done nothing wrong. I want to be very, very clear about that, and I want to point out that I’ve been very, very consistent about that, because at no time in my political career have I done anything wrong.
Jan: In my opinion, the views expressed by Dr Brash comes dangerously close to hate speech. They are certainly not conducive with the university’s strategy of recognising the values of a Tiriti o Waitangiled organisation.
I’ve done nothing wrong. All I’ve done is express an opinion.
FRIDAY
Judith: It’s blown over, as I predicted. Good. I need to catch up on my paperwork. Right now I’m dealing with a very, very interesting email from a man in Nigeria who has run into difficulties with releasing $100 million in his bank account.
Jan: It’s blown over, as I predicted. Good. I need to catch up on my exercise. Right now I’m strolling around the Massey campus, but it’s very strange. It’s as though people are avoiding me. — The New Zealand
Herald