How to colonise the universe
Year 13, Gore High School
CONGRATULATIONS! You have just been appointed as the Minister of Cool SpaceyStuff.
As the Minister of Cool SpaceyStuff, you are tasked with the lightweight task of getting humans to the nearest star system, by 2030.
Pffft, easy right?
Don’t we have like, really good rockets now?
Well, since you somehow got this position without any existing knowledge of the universe, let’s first look at how space actually works.
Originally, we thought space was very simple — a big flat expanse, where the events of the universe unfold; much like a stage.
This stage remains the same everywhere, all the time, so even if you remove the planets and stars, it remains unchanged.
However, there’s this guy, you may have heard of him.
Einstein.
Yeah, well thanks to
Einstein’s theory of general relativity, we have a new perspective on how space works.
His theory states both space and time make up the great stage together, and they are not the same everywhere.
Things on the stage, like planets, stars and black holes, alter the stage.
So if we think of space preEinstein, it could be seen as a hard, wooden board.
When we think of space now, postEinstein, it could be seen as a flimsy piece of paper; it’s bendable, and just maybe, it can be torn and stuck back together.
Now that you (mostly) understand how space works, let’s take a look at our options for traversing it. After all, it is up to you.
The closest stop
So the nearest star system is Alpha Centauri, which is 4.3 light years away — or about 40 trillion kilometres.
Using conventional modern rockets, we will arrive in about 1000 years.
So that isn’t going to work. Time for a different approach.
Our good mate Einstein was very clear in that nothing can move faster than the speed of light.
This is because in order to accelerate something, you have to supply it energy.
As things move faster and faster, they require more and more energy.
So we need an absolute starshipload of energy to even get close to the speed of light.
However, even that isn’t enough, because there isn’t even enough energy in the known universe to do this with only a single electron.
Looks like we need to bend the rules a bit.
One for the worms
One option is the use of wormholes.
They may sound like sciencefiction, but on paper they are very possible.
A wormhole is like a shortcut in space.
Let’s visualise our universe. Say we want to go from Earth to Alpha Centauri.
Imagine one is the north pole and the other is the south on a big flat map.
Currently, we have to travel across space linearly, which, as we have found, is a very long way.
But here’s where the wormhole comes into play. With a wormhole, we can manipulate space, get two points that we want to connect and punch a wormhole between them.
This is the equivalent to folding the map to make the points closer.
This new path is actually even faster than travelling across space at the speed of light.
Hallelujah! That was easy!
An exotic problem
But just hold on a second. How do you actually make this wormhole?
Well, first we must rip a hole in space.
To do this, we most likely need exotic matter, which we certainly don’t have yet.
Damn. Well, wormholes are out. What else have we got?
We only have a decade, so we still need to go pretty damn fast.
After some googling, you find this absolute monstrosity of physics and mathematics called the Alcubierre drive, which works by shrinking and expanding space in such a way that makes it go roughly the speed of light.
Any secret strings attached? Yes? Oh, it’s exotic matter again? GAH!
You receive a snap from Jacinda.
Apparently, there is this virus going around, and focus should be placed on Earthrelated issues for now.
Your timeframe has been completely shattered. You now have an infinite time limit for this task.
Thank goodness, now we can use regular physics.
A family trip
One option could be a generation ship — where one generation leaves Earth, raises a second generation of children while aboard, they grow up, raise their children and so forth, until we get to Alpha Centauri.
Yeah, sounds good. I’m sure there is no risk of riots or uprisings like what happens on Earth all the time.
Plus sticking multiple entire generations on a ship certainly raises ethical or moral questions. And don’t even get me started on supply issues.
OK, well how about we freeze the crew to preserve them?
Sure thing, but that definitely brain damages people.
OK, OK. Let’s just say you get there trouble free. Mission accomplished!
Humans are now a successful, intergalactic species.
Well, slow down, because there’s still one problem, and it’s once again thanks to Einstein.
Hello? Is anyone there?
General relativity tells us that the faster you travel relative to something, the slower time moves in relativity to said thing.
Now, since Alpha Centauri is travelling faster than Earth, time will pass slower there.
This poses a bit of a problem. We have this intergalactic civilisation spanning across the universe, where communication is significantly harder due to the time difference.
Also, how are we supposed to keep them loyal to Earth?
We can barely keep peace across a couple of hundred kilometres on Earth, let alone a couple of trillion.
And what if someone needs some backup for a space war?
It’s not going to happen. It’s just not feasible.
We don’t have the money or the brains or, quite frankly, the ambition to do it.
Let’s give it up.
Step down as Minister of Cool SpaceyStuff, because we aren’t colonising the universe, we’re never going to the stars.
Track record
While we’re at it, let’s just give up on all the other cool stuff we’re trying to do too, like crossing the ocean.
Oh wait, we did that — bad example.
How about heavierthanair flying machines? Ah, we cracked that one too.
How about the absolutely ridiculous idea of going to the moon? How the heck are we ever supposed to do that? Oh wait.
All of those things were once considered utterly impossible, and then we did them.
The thing is, we have a pretty good track record of doing the socalled impossible.
It’ll happen one day.
We will travel to distant galaxies, and that certainly won’t be all.