Opera superstar’s visit could transform small town’s tenor
DEAR Uncle Norm,
I’ve heard a ridiculous rumour. A reliable source tells me that the minor village of Arrowtown, New Zealand, has secured the world’s top Wagnerian tenor to entertain its gaping yokels in their little local Athenaeum hall.
What a hoot! Placido Domingo tells me that you, Norm, have
‘‘connections’’ with this flyspeck on the Southern map. So — is this delicious rumour true? The Athenaeum is a common theatre name. Has Simon O’Neill’s agent made a grave mistake, and assumed he’d booked the star for the Athenaeum in Glasgow, Bucharest, or perhaps Melbourne?
I’d love to be a fly on the wall when O’Neill discovers what’s happened. The great Wagnerian tenors have been known to mince up errant agents and serve them to their favourite sopranos raw, with croutons.
The Baroness von Honk, Austrian
Wagner Society.
Well hello again, Honky. (Regards to Placido and the Count). I’ve checked this out. Nobody at the pub knows him, but it’s true there’s a Simon O’Neill booked for Arrowtown’s Athenaeum on November 12.
My investigations reveal that incredibly, this O’Neill chap is the same tenor due to open Tristan and Isolde that night at the Berlin Philharmonie — with the 100piece Deutsche Symphonie hustling to keep in time.
I checked further and saw London’s Daily Mail described your Mr O’Neill as ‘‘the Wagner tenor of choice for the world’s great opera houses.’’
It seems this O’Neill chap is a Kiwi trained at the University of Otago. He is usually booked out four years in advance but Covid destroyed his 2020 calendar, so he returned to NZ to sit Covid out. A mole at Immigration says he won’t be a financial burden here because he’s a listed principle at The New York Met, Milan’s La Scala, the State Operas of Vienna, Bayerische, and Berlin, plus Paris, and The Royal Opera.
A member of Arrowtown’s Creative Arts Society heard he’s here, found a contact number, and called with an ‘‘Excuse me, but you couldn’t by the smallest chance, um ’’.
Fat chance of course. However, it turned out O’Neill has Arrowtown connections, holidayed there as a kid, and prefers Arrowtown’s Athenaeum to the others.
So, I’m afraid the only really juicy news is that the great Wagnerian has promised Arrowtown he’ll sing Danny Boy. (On hearing this, Deutsche Symphonie’s chief bassoonist, Herr Schweigert, said he’ll never speak to O’Neill again).
Did you want tickets? The Duchess has a spare.
Dear Uncle Norm,
One of the top 10 public health breakthroughs of the 20th century was fluoridating water supplies to reduce tooth decay. Which is wonderful — unless you’re backward enough to live in New Zealand.
Only 21 of this country’s 67 district councils protect our children’s teeth by fluoridating water. (90% of Australians have it).
It is common knowledge that fluoride is safe, dirt cheap, and results in 40% less tooth decay for children. The
World Health Organisation urges its use, as does our Ministry of Health. Our dentists who make their livings treating tooth decay, want fluoridated water.
Yet the percentage of Kiwis who have fluoridated water hasn’t increased in 40 years.
This is a scandalous failure of government. Why can’t we achieve something as simple, cheap, and basic as fluoridation?
Sick and tired of it. (Queenstown).
The reasons are both simple and stupid.
We are the victims of a classic case of bullying by a loud, obsessive minority which has managed to impose its harmful views on the majority. Our antifluoride lobby provides a classic education for the antivaxxers of today.
Because fluoridation decisions belong to district councils, the antifluoride lobby has systematically picked off the smaller, weaker ones with vitriolic public lobbying against local politicians who dare oppose them — plus varied court actions against any councils who try to break clear.
The lobby misrepresents science and dresses their argument up as a civil liberties issue — we shouldn’t all be forced to drink fluoride when our kids could scrupulously brush their teeth with it. (Yeah, right.)
The larger cities can afford to defend themselves. But the smaller councils — home to more poor and more Maori — have concluded it’s just too risky and expensive to take on the antifluoride crowd.
Not a single small town in the Far North has fluoride. Dunedin, Invercargill and (this is weird) Hanmer Springs are incredibly, the only South Island towns to have it.
Treasury decided fluoride decisions should be booted up to the district health boards, who couldn’t be intimidated. In 2016, Bill English’s National government passed a first reading of a Bill to do this, but the first Ardern government didn’t finish the job — hinting a New Zealand First veto was to blame.
It’s an easy one, Ms Ardern. You now have a clear majority. For God’s sake just do it!