THE SECRET DIARY OF ... YOUR 2021 HOROSCOPE (part one)
CANCER (June 2223)
Fight for your right to party! Responsibilities have weighed you down for too long. All drugs are good drugs. Keep your best ideas close to your chest. The best communication is a vow of silence. A religious experience is imminent. ‘‘You cannot conceive of the appalling strangeness of the mercy of God,’’ wrote the author Graham Greene. Stay match fit. There’s going to come a time when the team needs you. Vary your hours of work, and learn to read documents upside down. Spying is just another word for career advancement.
LEO
(July 24August 22)
Oho! A range of surprises arrive this year in small packages. Unwrap at your leisure; 2021 is a gift that keeps giving. Your appetite for adventure has become somewhat jaded. Consider reckless courses of action. Extreme sports are good sports. Loyalty to an old idea pays dividends. Don’t even try to avoid bragging, ‘‘I told you so!’’. Love comes calling at strange hours. Pick up. Practise the philosophy of the more the merrier. Two’s company, three’s a lot of fun. See your family doctor, and bathe often.
VIRGO
(August 23September 22)
It’s all good! This is the year of deep contentment and opportunities for wealth creation. Seek new employment options. It’s about time you got out from under that good old rock. How long had you been sleeping? How long had you been drifting alone through the night? The questions are of little consequence these days but when you think of everything you went through to get here, you’ll be amazed at how well everything worked out. If someone makes unreasonable demands on your time, go for a drive. All escapes are good escapes.
LIBRA (September 23October 23)
Lesh go! 2021 will get off to a roaring start and the pace will barely slacken the whole year. You’re built for praise so enjoy the wild ride. Be kind to the old and frail. Stand up for them and remember that they have a lot to give you. You need to advance yourself in ways that will get you from A to B. In the driving test of life, you’ll get there in the end if you really apply yourself. Crazy ideas are good ideas. Make an exhibition of yourself — in private, behind closed doors.
SAGITTARIUS (November 23December 22)
Seek help! Your life has changed in oh so many ways; your impendence seems to have vanished in the haze. Expensive and emotionally draining advice is good advice. Think of 2021 as a game of two halves with extra time that goes to penalties. You’ve always hidden your talent for endurance under a bushel but you’re going to need it. Set your relationships on flight mode. True love finds a way. Travel beckons. A change of address will free the mind. A change of gender will free the body.
SCORPIO (October 24November 22)
Not yet! Slow down; you move too fast, you’ve got to make the morning last. Learn the ways of the sloth.
The author Gore Vidal once said, ‘‘Every time a friend succeeds, something inside me dies’’ — 2021 is going to present challenges in that regard. Try being a little bit more cryptic with your colleagues. Making no sense is good sense.
Take out an insurance policy on your love life.
It’s best to minimise the inevitable fallout. If you see eggshells, walk on them.
Remember: it’s the fate of snowflakes to melt.