THE SECRET DIARY OF JEFF BEZOS
MONDAY
Not since I got away with paying $3.52 in tax for the last 20 years and then successfully applied for a rebate so that in the end I actually received a refund of $19.3 million have I felt so excited.
My New Shepard rocket is about to go where no man has gone before apart from various astronauts, a monkey, and Richard Branson. It changed all their lives. The monkey went on to forge a successful career as the host of a reality TV series and later devised an ingenious method that got him voted in as President of the United States.
It’s always been my dream to conquer other planets. The one about conquering Earth is old hat. Been there, done that, got the free shipping. But now it’s time to see what else is out there and honour the great tradition of all mankind’s expeditions into new, virgin colonies, and crap all over it.
TUESDAY
History was made when I boarded the New Shepard this morning with my brother Mark and our two guests, an 82yearold aviation pioneer and the 18yearold son of a private inquiry firm’s chief executive.
‘‘Well,’’ I said, ‘‘here we go.’’ ‘‘Yeah,’’ said Mark.
‘‘What’s that? Speak up,’’ said the pioneer.
‘‘Awesome,’’ said the kid.
And then the rockets took us up to the Karman line — an imaginary boundary 100km above sea level, where many experts say space begins.
‘‘Look,’’ I said, pointing out the window.
‘‘Yeah,’’ said Mark.
‘‘What’s that? Speak up,’’ said the pioneer.
‘‘Awesome,’’ said the kid.
Mark asked if he could borrow my cowboy hat for a selfie. I said no. He got into a sulk.
The kid started playing Temple Run on his phone.
The pioneer went to the toilet. ‘‘Look,’’ I said.
‘‘Whatever,’’ said Mark.
The pioneer fell asleep.
The kid asked if he could borrow my cowboy hat for a selfie. I said OK. Mark went to the toilet, slamming the door behind him.
And then we touched back down on to Earth. It was surely the most
profound 11 minutes in the history of the world.
WEDNESDAY
Every astronaut, everybody who’s been up into space, they say that it changes them.
And they’re kind of amazed and awestruck by Earth and its beauty, but also by its fragility. And I can vouch for that.
Jeff Bezos is a changed man from this day forth.
THURSDAY
A man knocked on my door this
morning and said, ‘‘Are you Jeff Bezos? I have a federal warrant to recover $903 billion in unpaid taxes.’’
‘‘No,’’ I said.
FRIDAY
Ever since I got back to Earth I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself in the mirror. Those 11 minutes in deep space keep staring back at me.
All I see is a vast and infinite nothingness.
It’s very humbling.
And profound.