Mastering selfreflection key to awareness of others

YOU can be as right as you like and still be wrong is a phrase I have often used with my children.

This normally leads into yet another conversation (lecture in their opinion) about the importance of emotional intelligence, not just IQ. In my house, I have always considered them with equal weight.

Emotional intelligence was on display recently when I attended a board meeting where the manager was asked about their preferred style of interactions with directors.

The reply that followed was extensive, a discussion about CliftonStrengths interspersed with MyersBriggs.

For those unfamiliar with these measurements, the codes used by these assessment bodies were supplemented with a wellconsidered summary of strengths, how they had been deployed across a career and what was valued and preserved alongside their family dynamic.

Here was a leader who understood themselves, a leader who had reflected and was consequently confident in their own strengths and equally as comfortable owning their limitations and pathways to manage the same.

For me, this was in fact a masterclass in emotional intelligence. The traditional definition might reach into themes of recognising and regulating emotion, embracing feedback, empathy towards others — essentially an inbuilt awareness of self and others.

I reflected on this and compared it with an event I attended recently where a successful entrepreneur spoke. They described their humble but happy life as a child and their business journey starting with roadside produce stalls and collecting wool captured on farm fences, which was subsequently bagged and sold. Life revealed different ways for them to trade and grow their asset base, but their reflections about values learned, embracing opportunity and being motivated by this along with the subsequent personal growth that followed in good times and bad was thematic throughout their story.

And of course we all have a story, something that brings us to where we are today. History has defined each of us and shaped the values and experiences we bring to every governance conversation.

I spend some time regularly chatting with a young person about to embark on what I am sure will be an illustrious career.

As they are guided by strong values and work ethic and are naturally gifted in emotional and intellectual talent, my challenge to them as they conclude their tertiary studies was to allocate some time to spend simply with themselves. Time where they could just think and reflect about who they truly are, what they stand for, what they will not walk past and the causes in life which will bring them the most passion and ultimately define their journey. Of course, with years ahead of them, not everything will be clear but just like the manager and entrepreneur above, I encouraged them to understand themselves.

It always stands out around the board table when someone is abundant in emotional intelligence. You can see this in their ability to read the room, to draw out contributions in others and how they navigate conflict and eloquently describe pathways that light the journey for others.

Their comments are equal parts respective and constructive; they clearly have been listening. Apologies are never an issue, failings are simply an opportunity to learn and refine their skills for the future.

These people to me are always those comfortable in who they are and what they bring. They are universally focused on the greater good and not about being the smartest or loudest person in any given conversation.

Knowing what you bring is more than just fancy words on a CV. That might get you an interview but what gets you in a role is true understanding of, and alignment to, the entity’s purpose and current strategy alongside your skills, qualifications and experiences. What keeps you in a role is how you deploy your emotional and intellectual skills together in an effective way.

As an observer of people and behaviours, I see traits I value in the board room and others I happily walk away from.

Both offer me a reflection point. I couple those reflections with feedback from the chair and colleagues I work with. I am not afraid to understand what I can do better or differently.

While the “Four Pillars”, issued by the Institute of Directors, is a great guide, there is no one way of governing and continuous learning in my opinion should be the pursuit of any director. There is no reason why that should not include refinement of one’s soft skills too.

So whether you are like the manager and the entrepreneur who have mastered selfreflection or the student starting out, making some time to spend with yourself may just be one of the more important professional development tasks you undertake.

µ Trish Oakley is the chairwoman of the OtagoSouthland branch of the Institute of Directors (IOD). This article is opinion only and not intended as governance advice. The IOD is the professional body for directors and is at the heart of New Zealand's governance community.