Good communication valuable support

Finding out what’s happening in your child’s life can be tough, but there are significant payoffs to keeping the lines of communication open.

Across all ages, studies have shown that good parental communication helps protect children from low self-esteem and poor academic achievement.

On the other hand, children who perceive low communication from their parents have been found to have more behavioural and mental health difficulties.

The secret may be partly due to the way good communication lets a child know their thoughts and feelings are valued. One of the best ways to do this is giving undivided attention. Family meals are ideal, as are bedtime stories for younger children, and playing together – don’t be afraid to show your silly side.

Less demanding but also worthwhile is simply talking to your child about everyday things as they crop up. If it becomes normal to talk a lot about little things, it will be easier to communicate when big or tricky issues arise.

You can also help your child build a ‘‘feelings vocabulary’’ by talking about feelings of every kind. This helps provide the tools to share emotions.

It is best to wait until you’ve calmed from strong feelings like anger before talking about them, though.

Letting children know their thoughts and feelings are worth hearing can be as simple as asking their opinion on a topic.

Try to avoid dead-end questions that require a yes or no answer, in favour of those that encourage a child to describe, explain or share an idea. However, don’t push it: research shows that asking too many questions can feel invasive, especially to teenagers.

Door-opener statements like ‘‘That’s interesting,’’ and ‘‘Wow,’’ may be a better way to keep a conversation going. It is also wise to avoid questions straight after school when a child is likely to be tired.

Another thing to keep in mind is that children go through phases of communication and interest. Young children are usually focused on school subjects, new friendships and concrete experiences. You may be able to extend their communication at this age by asking about their feelings in regard to an event.

As primary school progresses, friendships become more important and it may be time to ask your child more about how their relationships are going.

From about intermediate age through high school, questions can start to be seen as demands for information, so a more tactful approach may be required. Try to listen before talking and when doing so, make eye contact and give your full attention, just as you would want in return.

More privacy is naturally sought by teenagers as they further develop their own personal identity. Nonetheless, you can take comfort in the knowledge a child who feels connected to their parents will take their advice more seriously, and be more likely to follow directions and help out.

So good communication is not only rewarding but can also make the tough job of parenting easier.