Rotorua mum tells of struggle after giving birth
Perinatal mental health week aims to alert Kiwis to silent problem
Having a baby at 37 was “a big shock” for Kirsty Wallis after she had spent her life travelling around the world.
The Rotorua mother said her birth was “quite traumatic” and she soon realised how scary it was to have a baby who was so dependent on her.
Wallis thought she was experiencing “mother’s blues”. “But now that I look back, I actually realised that I had depression.”
Statistics from Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Aotearoa (Pada) show one in four women and one in 10 men experience postnatal depression.
This week is Perinatal Mental Health Awareness Week, which aims to create awareness of this “silent problem” and to ensure health professionals have the education and future parents the support needed to navigate early parenting, the group says.
Wallis said becoming a mother was “a big change”, particularly after having the freedom to travel.
“Having a child and having to stay in one place was a big shock for my system.”
She recalled giving birth and how people talked about a “rush of love” you were supposed to feel.
“I remember looking at her thinking, ‘okay that’s my child, but she’s like a little strange alien that came to my house’.”
Wallis said she recalled holding
"It was absolutely amazing . . . I wasn’t alone in what I was feeling. I thought I was a complete weirdo, but that’s why talking about it is so important."
Kirsty Wallis
her baby while recovering from an emergency caesarean. “I was so tired that I fell asleep and dropped my arms and she rolled down my legs. This child is so dependent on me and it’s scary.”
Wallis said she used to call people, crying, saying: “I can’t do this, what do I do with this child? I can’t look after her any more.”
She decided to put a post on Facebook about how she was feeling and got “hundreds of replies” in support from friends and family who shared their own stories.
“It was absolutely amazing, because that was when I started to understand that I wasn’t alone in what I was feeling.
“I thought I was a complete weirdo, but that’s why talking about it is so important.
“Our tendency not to share it is a danger to our mental health because if we don’t talk about these things we can never come and stand beside these mums.”
Talking, along with going to a local church, was the start of her healing process, she said.
At the church, she started to understand what an “honour” and an “amazing job” being a mother was. “I started to change my mindset and look at that differently.”
Wallis is a community coordinator at the Kimiora Community Trust. The trust has a free mothers’ support initiative called Waahi Aroha, which runs workshops such as health and fitness and has “chat groups” through its “mums and bubs” group.
She said the needs of the mums led the programmes.
Flourishing Families Rotorua clinical psychologist Tina Berryman-kamp said the transition to parenthood was a physical, social and emotional change.
“We don’t discuss that, and then people feel when it’s hard that there’s something wrong with them, that they’re doing it wrong.
“A lot of people are not aware that it is so common for people to feel distressed.
“This idea that having a baby is going to be very happy for you is not realistic for many people.”
Berryman-kamp used to run a community-based perinatal service in Rotorua but shut it in 2019 because she felt there was a need for “a far more holistic, wraparound option”.
She felt many people did not need a clinical service run by a psychologist. Instead, she said, awesome we have this support . . . my concern is the access to talking therapies is really limited in Rotorua.”
Pada general manager Treena Cooper said becoming a parent could be a wonderful experience but it also brought many changes and challenges.
“Everybody feels down or angry from time to time but a depressive illness is more than that. It is when several symptoms occur over the same time period.
“At its most serious it can be life-threatening and can pose a risk to the mum or birthing parent, the baby and their family.”
A report by the Helen Clark Foundation published last week revealed suicide was the leading cause of deaths among pregnant women and new mothers.
Cooper said the report made a number of recommendations, including improving access to public housing, increasing funding for midwifery services, extending ACC coverage to birth injuries and making it easier to get culturally appropriate support for distressed parents.
“Our work at Pada is to provide education and training for those health care providers supporting parents experiencing perinatal anxiety or depression.
“If they can screen confidently, ask the right questions and refer to suitable services then this will help give the parents a better start and create better attachment with their baby.”
The Lakes District Health Board was approached for a response to Berryman-kamp’s comments.
more peer, emotional and practical support was needed. “I think it’s