‘Live life while youcan... time is short’
Bay of Plenty Times columnist Dawn Picken doesn’t know how long she has left but doctors have suggested she is approaching the end of her life. She speaks to colleague Kiri Gillespie about her battle and the importance of doing the things you want in life and making the most of the time you have.
Dawn Picken welcomes us into her room at Waipuna Hospice dressed in a lavender shirt, with matching lipstick. She looks utterly beautiful — as Dawn always does.
But it’s obvious something’s wrong. A nasogastric tube trails from her nose and there is tiredness hanging over her which is so out of character.
Dawn always knew this day could come.
But it does little to quell the anguish for her, her family, and those whose lives she has touched during her 12 years in Tauranga.
The former television reporter, marathon runner, author, community volunteer and Bay of Plenty Times Weekend feature writer and columnist is in palliative care for an incurable “one-ina-million” liver condition.
Dawn, 52, doesn’t know exactly how long she has left but doctors have suggested she is approaching the end of her life.
She was first admitted to Tauranga Hospital in mid-october after showing signs of internal bleeding.
Dawn was later discharged but was readmitted on November 8 after her condition worsened. A subsequent scan revealed that a lobe of her liver has infarcted/ died.
She also had a large clot in her portal vein which was spreading and meant she was not suitable for a liver transplant.
On Thursday, she was transferred to Waipuna Hospice for palliative care.
For those who know Dawn, the news of her deteriorating health filled us with shock and deep sadness. I’ve known Dawn through her work at the Bay of Plenty Times for about 10 years and have always admired her energy, positive outlook, grace, and storytelling.
Those close to Dawn will already be aware of her plight. She has long catalogued her life through blogs, newspaper columns, a new book, Love, Loss and Lifelines: My Year of Grief on the Run, and more recently a patient update website called Caringbridge.
Sharing her story with the Bay of Plenty Times Weekend now is not unusual for Dawn, who spent eight years as a television reporter and presenter in Spokane, Washington, before becoming a marketing director for a regional chamber of commerce. Throughout her career, Dawn has been open about her life and wants to share this chapter in her journey as well.
Her diligent documenting of personal memories and milestones has unwittingly become her legacy.
She says it is something she’s “really glad to have been able to do”.
“Not just privately or for my circle of friends but for the wider public to be able to write about things that are important to me and to others in the community, that has also been a way for me to process things . . . it’s a nice legacy to have.”
Songbirds can be heard in the garden flush with pink flowers outside her room. Dawn takes a breath to explain her current situation.
Dawn was diagnosed with liver disease in 1996 at the age of 26.
At the time, the medium mortality rate after that diagnosis was 11 years. She didn’t think she’d live past 37.
A trip to the Mayo Clinic revealed the original diagnosis wasn’t correct. However, Dawn’s subsequent diagnosis of Caroli disease was still very serious — a hereditary liver condition that affects one in a million people.
“Lucky me,” she says.
Following the diagnosis, Dawn embarked on a mission to squeeze the most out of life while she could.
A friend once affectionately described her as “Mach 3 with her hair on fire”, she says, laughing.
For reference, a Mach 3 is travelling three times the speed of sound.
“That’s how I live my life. That’s a big part of it — realising that time is so short and limited.”
The sudden death of her husband, Sean Stanelun, in January 2010 prompted this view.
The couple had been married for 10 years when Sean, 48, got sick.
Their children, Finley and Fiona, were 3 and 5 when he entered hospital with flulike symptoms. He was diagnosed with necrotising fasciitis, also known as flesheating disease, and had surgeries on his arms and legs to cut away dead tissue. Coincidentally, he also had a large mass on his pancreas.
Doctors said it looked benign but would need to come out after Sean was largely recovered from necrotising fasciitis.
About a month after the surgery on his pancreas, Sean suffered complications including a massive internal bleed.
The loss of Dawn’s husband changed everything.
She stepped away from her career and launched herself on a world tour with her two small children.
“I needed to do it. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to do it. I felt this real longing to get out.
“Knowing that life is short if I wanted to do something, I had to do it now. I couldn’t put it off. There was no waiting until retirement . . . If I wanted to do something like travel the world, I was going to do it.”
She and her children ended up landing in Tauranga that same year.
Dawn, young Fiona, and little Finley had plans to stay for six months, which turned into 12 years. Dog Ally has since also become a core part of the Picken family.
“I really felt I made the right decision. After a couple of months, I started to wonder how I would ever pull myself away,” Dawn says.
Both children have now grown into young adults and have left the family home but have returned to Tauranga to be by her side.
Fiona joins us in the room as Dawn explains the balance between “seizing the day” and being careful with life.
“I have been walking around with this dark cloud for more than two decades now but, yeah, I have to go ahead to do the normal things but also, take advantage of the opportunities you get. You don’t know when they will come around again,” Dawn says.
Among the many groups Dawn is involved in is Tauranga’s Grief Support Services, of which she is a board member.
She initially became involved as a client to help process the loss of Sean and gradually became part of the service’s family.
Just last month, Dawn launched her first book, Love, Loss and Lifelines: My Year of Grief on the Run, which documents her personal grief journey and offers insight for others on how to cope with losing a loved one.
I recall being amazed at how resplendent in blue she was as she read, to a packed crowd in Tauranga’s new library He Puna Manawa, snippets of her life so far.
No one in that room had any idea of what was to come in three weeks’ time.
Dawn says she has been open about her condition with her children, Fiona and Finn, over the years, telling them: “I have this liver condition but I’m doing everything I can to make it as healthy and as [good] as I can.”
On the day she was first admitted to hospital in October, she had been planning to spend the weekend with her new partner, Stu Ede.
She says she was “very surprised” to find love again.
“When we started going out in early July, this kind of situation was not on my mind when we were running together and walking together.”
He has been by her side throughout. Dawn shared excitement at an upcoming date when I bumped into her during the Tauranga Pink Walk in early October. It was plain as day she was smitten as a kitten. For someone who has long given much of herself to others, I was happy she’d found love.
In her hospice room yesterday, her partner sits quietly nearby as Dawn talks but politely excuses himself at this point. Dawn’s eyes follow him out of the room.
Dawn is buoyed by messages and videos from people who are using online tools such as Caringbridge to send their support and wishes.
On Thursday, a group of Dawn’s friends climbed Mauao at sunrise in what they dubbed “Dawn Summit”. A video of this, including personal messages to Dawn, was shared on Youtube.
Dawn says those involved are “inspirational” to her.
“Each and every one of them [are] to me — in my running life and in doing challenging outdoor activities that I otherwise would not have done. I’m so grateful to have had these experiences.”
Friends have set up a Givealittle page to help raise money for Dawn’s health, and funeral costs plus potentially to help Fiona and Finley afterwards. As of yesterday afternoon, $7125 had been raised. People can also leave messages of support on the Caringbridge website.
Those who know Dawn will appreciate her humour and it is not lost in this interview.
In reference to having published her book, a key goal of hers for several years, she says there’s a lesson for people to “be careful about ticking off your bucket list”.
Delaying completion of the book could have given her more time, she says in jest.
Asked what she most wanted people to take from her story, it was to live life while you can.
“If there’s something you really want to do, do it now. Don’t put it off,” she says.
“It’s really important for people to make their wishes known and to talk to their families about it.”
Despite not being suitable for a transplant, Dawn wants to encourage others to consider becoming organ donors.
“I urge anyone to think about organ donation. It’s so important. I wish people would give more to this. I’m probably not a candidate because of this blood clot but if I were, I would still face a waiting list.”
To use Dawn’s own words she once shared in October while talking about her book, “Life is a shared adventure, and we can better support each other if we take the time to hear each other’s stories.”