Stripping down to the bare essentials to define real you
Iwas reading an editorial by one of my talented colleagues last week, and it got me thinking. What defines me? In her editorial, my colleague Judith succinctly pointed out that we are defined by more than our job, and she is quite right. We are defined by so much more than just what we do.
Years ago my mother was a stripper. Actually, she wasn’t and given she is in Aotearoa right now visiting us, she’s probably not going to be too impressed that I have written that in print. But that’s her fault, not mine, as she was the first to put in print that she was a stripper. I can’t remember the exact details, but it was to do with some official form she had to fill in.
According to family lore, she took umbrage when in the section regarding work it offered people two options — either to fill in a blank box listing a profession or otherwise tick a box saying housewife, with the implication that wasn’t a “real job”.
My mother felt unfairly defined by the title housewife — “I’m not married to my house” she was prone to argue and so, on paper at least, she became a stripper.
Whether my mother was a stripper, a housewife, an active volunteer in her community or anything else, however, my colleague is correct — we should not allow ourselves to be defined purely by our job. Yet we so often introduce ourselves with our title or job near the top of our list. We go to parties or events and on meeting someone new, we ask — what do you do? “Hi, I’m Hinemoa and I’m a school teacher.”
“Hi, this is Ali, he is a chef.” We don’t turn a hair when we hear introductions like that at a party or event. It’s likely you have probably introduced yourself or a friend in a similar way at least once or twice recently. What’s less likely however is that you have ever introduced yourself by your exam marks.
“Hi, I’m Naomi and I got an excellence in Economics NCEA Level 2.”
“This is Jordan, he got a not achieved in Mathematics Level 3.”
It doesn’t exactly flow or sound like riveting conversation does it?
Yet right now, a lot of our teenagers might feel they are defined by their grades, be they excellences or achieveds, merits or not achieveds.
Marks are important at times, of course. If fictitious Naomi is hoping to study economics at university, that excellence grade is going to be quite useful, just as our imaginary friend Jordan’s mathematics grade might mean he has to change his mind about applying for that accountancy role, but pass or fail, exam grades don’t need to define you.
Exam grades might be uppermost in many teenagers’ minds right now, but it’s important we remember an exam only measures a student’s ability to answer a specific question in a specific way. It doesn’t show us who they are or who they may become.
So at your next social gathering, consider introducing yourself as something other than your career or role, and next time you are talking to a teenager ask them about something other than their exam grades.
We are more than what we do or the exams we pass, so let’s change the conversation and start talking about the things that actually matter, not job titles or exam grades.
“This is Jordan, he’s fantastic at fixing computers and is a really kind big brother.”