Teaching kids to give a little extra at Xmas
It’s December. Advent calendars have started being opened, the (insert swear word of your choice) Elf on the Shelf has returned to surprise children (and terrorise parents as they desperately try to come up with new ideas for the pesky imp) daily, and Christmas songs are blaring out from every shop and workplace, drowning out any chance you might have of sensible, non-festive thoughts.
One thing all the Mariah Carey songs of the world can’t drown out, however, is that incessant question adults feel obliged to ask children at this time of year.
“What do you want for Christmas?” the checkout assistant asks my 14-year-old as she merrily scans the chocolate Santas we all know will never outlast my willpower and make it to Christmas Day.
“What are you asking Santa for this year?” our neighbour asks my 11-yearold as they haul their Christmas tree inside their house.
“What’s on your Christmas list then?” my 17-year-old son is asked as he opens the door to the courier.
From the GP waiting room to the optician, whether we are popping in to buy a book from the local stationery store, the location changes but the question never does.
Everyone, it seems, wants to know what my children want for Christmas.
Which, if they wanted to note down the answers, before hunting out items that probably sold out sometime in September
(that’s the month organised parents do this stuff, apparently, I wouldn’t know – which is why I am on the hunt for an Ostrich Squishmallow that appears to be extinct, sigh), wrapping said items in festive paper without paper cuts all over their hands, and neatly putting them under my tree) once they have also put that up and decorated it for me ...) then that would be fine.
Only they aren’t asking for sensible reasons, it’s just a habit isn’t it – see a child/teen in December, and immediately you ask them what they want for Christmas. It’s just a thing we all do, it’s as much a part of Christmas as boxes of chocolate almonds or eating chocolate Santas for breakfast (they contain milk, that’s a breakfast food ... don’t judge me).
Ask me what I would like for Christmas though, and the answer is simple. I would like you to stop asking my children what they want for Christmas.
Not because it’s always annoying
when they answer you with a random item you didn’t even know was on their Christmas list when you did all your Christmas shopping (see above ostrich issue), it is annoying, but that’s not the reason I want you to stop.
It’s not because I don’t think Christmas is (partly, at least) about the gifts either. It is. Only, it’s not about the getting, it’s about the giving, and that’s what I want my children to remember.
Don’t ask the random children you come across this December what they are getting, ask them what they plan to give.
Maybe they plan to give some of their old toys and books to the Mayoral Christmas Gift Appeal, placing them under the tree in the council’s main building on Miranda St to be delivered to families in need later this month.
Or maybe they have been painstakingly making a special secret present for their parents, siblings or grandparents during classtime, armed with just glitter, glue, and a lot
of love. Maybe they are choosing one of the 200 secret Santa gifts their class/club/random friend group has come up with (okay, maybe they only do three or four, it just feels like 200) and are spending their days carefully observing their allocated recipient to find clues to help them choose the perfect gift for them ( are they a Harry Potter or a Minecraft fan, and would they like a chocolate Santa as part of their gift – providing Mum hasn’t eaten them all, again).
The point is, children will love giving as much as they love receiving, as long as we give them the chance to do so and encourage them to enjoy the magic to be found in the perfectly chosen or handmade gift. Ask them what they think their brother would like this Christmas, involve them in making some decorations to gift to their friends or relatives, or help them choose some books or toys to donate to a charity this year.
So please, stop asking children what they want, and help them change the focus from themselves to others this festive season. That’s what I would like for Christmas. That, a few chocolate Santas and a squishy ostrich anyway.