I am with a guy and everything is great except that my sex drive is much higher than his.
I have tried to talk to him and he has told me that he is not feeling good about himself currently as he has put on some weight and has no interest in sex. When we first started seeing each other it was only sex and it was amazing and passionate. Now, if I can get him interested, it is pretty vanilla.
It is hard to feel that it doesn’t have something to do with me. He tells me it’s not, but I feel like it is. I don’t care what size he is, I am still so attracted and turned on by him. The rejection is getting to me and makes me feel like there is something wrong with me for wanting it. Everything else is great but this part.
What do I do? I agree sex is not everything, but it is a big part of a relationship for me. Good on you for being upfront and honest about how you’re feeling and what you value; I trust you have done it kindly and avoided adding humiliation into the mix.
You two are discovering how vulnerable your sexuality can make you. It’s hard to initiate sex and it’s hard to be rejected; both are a challenge for selfesteem for all genders. I’d encourage you personally to see this as a temporary opportunity to learn to support your erotic self and confidence by yourself.
What is your guy doing about his excess weight and lack of libido? It’s a good start to acknowledge a problem, but then action needs to be taken if anything is to change. Fat cells produce oestrogen, so weight gain could be the explanation or it may be more than that.
Given that you two had hot sex at first, I wonder if somewhere inside this man is not coping with the transition from having a lover to being in a loving relationship. Try opening a conversation about what this means to him, and what associations he has with relationships. Some people fear commitment, some mindlessly take on a sense of burden or entrapment because that’s what they’ve seen happen to others.
You two are discovering how vulnerable your sexuality can make you.