I have been having trouble with my sex drive for some time. I am a 31-year-old male and have recently got out of a two-year relationship where I feel it fell apart because of my lack of sex drive. I enjoy masturbating and when I’m having sex I love it but I struggle with having that appetite unless it is a one-night stand. I don’t know if this is a big deal? I also watch porn whenever I masturbate, so I am not sure if that contributes. This is only a big deal if or when you find yourself wanting an ongoing relationship. From your description, this sounds to me more like a reluctance to initiate partnered sex than a lack of drive. Sexuality often develops in secret as many parents are not good at talking about this with their kids, so learning to share your sexuality with someone else that you are increasingly getting to know and revealing yourself to poses some challenges for people who are shy or introverted. Similarly for anyone who has, because of past experiences or omissions, not developed good self-esteem or positive expectations of intimate relationships.
To be able to bust a move requires that you hold a sense of yourself as a desirable sexual being, that you have the courage to risk finding out if a partner is willing at that time to respond to you and that you have confidence that you can pleasurably make love with your partner. To want to do so in an ongoing relationship also requires continuing to find your partner attractive and having good enough relational and intimacy skills.
In contrast, watching porn is easy as no one expects anything of you and there are no risks, as long as your porn is legal. I wonder what ideas about your sexuality and about sex you have developed from watching pornography. Is sex a performance? Are your specific sexual desires embarrassing to you, exciting and erotic but not to be shared? When you have sex in a one-night stand are you relieved to be able to go home afterwards and not have further contact? And what, exactly, do you think about during sexual encounters? Is it fantasy or reality in your head?