I recently found out about my dad’s other life. My parents have been married 20 years, with my dad cheating on my mum and leaving her briefly before they got back together. That was nearly 10 years ago – I was young and don’t remember a lot about it. I’ve always suspected he was still playing around behind her back but pushed it to the back of my mind and left it there. I recently came across an online profile of his – showcasing his other life as a submissive cross-dresser for his mistress. I have no idea what to do.
Do I confront him about it? Do I tell my mum? Do I make him tell her? Does she already know? Does she even want to know? My parents seem relatively happy right now and maybe this is something they are both on the same page about, OR my mum has no idea and this will destroy her. She is not well at the moment and does not have the money or means to leave him, but I hate that I know and I feel like I am keeping this from her. Oh that is a painful position for you to be in! I don’t know how old you are but you’ve clearly given this a great deal of mature consideration and your questions are very appropriate ones.
I would encourage you to let your dad know what you have discovered and share your questions with him. It is his responsibility to make wise decisions about the consequences of his behaviour. You’re right that he and your mum may have decided together that it’s OK for him to express these aspects of his sexuality outside of their marriage, especially if your mum has not been comfortable or willing to embrace this part of him. If so, the only task required will be for him to help you come to terms with these aspects of your dad.
I hope he’s up to this task, able to listen well without defending himself and that you can express your feelings while holding on to all that you love and admire about him. Your inner wisdom will ensure you avoid agreeing to keep any destructive secrets from your mum.