Sex ad­vice

Sunday Star-Times - Sunday Magazine - - ADVICE -

I re­cently found out about my dad’s other life. My par­ents have been mar­ried 20 years, with my dad cheat­ing on my mum and leav­ing her briefly be­fore they got back to­gether. That was nearly 10 years ago – I was young and don’t re­mem­ber a lot about it. I’ve al­ways sus­pected he was still play­ing around be­hind her back but pushed it to the back of my mind and left it there. I re­cently came across an on­line pro­file of his – show­cas­ing his other life as a sub­mis­sive cross-dresser for his mis­tress. I have no idea what to do.

Do I con­front him about it? Do I tell my mum? Do I make him tell her? Does she al­ready know? Does she even want to know? My par­ents seem rel­a­tively happy right now and maybe this is some­thing they are both on the same page about, OR my mum has no idea and this will de­stroy her. She is not well at the mo­ment and does not have the money or means to leave him, but I hate that I know and I feel like I am keep­ing this from her. Oh that is a painful po­si­tion for you to be in! I don’t know how old you are but you’ve clearly given this a great deal of ma­ture con­sid­er­a­tion and your ques­tions are very ap­pro­pri­ate ones.

I would en­cour­age you to let your dad know what you have dis­cov­ered and share your ques­tions with him. It is his re­spon­si­bil­ity to make wise de­ci­sions about the con­se­quences of his be­hav­iour. You’re right that he and your mum may have de­cided to­gether that it’s OK for him to ex­press th­ese as­pects of his sex­u­al­ity out­side of their mar­riage, es­pe­cially if your mum has not been com­fort­able or will­ing to em­brace this part of him. If so, the only task re­quired will be for him to help you come to terms with th­ese as­pects of your dad.

I hope he’s up to this task, able to lis­ten well with­out de­fend­ing him­self and that you can ex­press your feel­ings while hold­ing on to all that you love and ad­mire about him. Your in­ner wis­dom will en­sure you avoid agree­ing to keep any de­struc­tive se­crets from your mum.

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