KEEPING IT REAL
What if the secret to great sex was forgetting about orgasms? Australian sexologist Juliet Allen talks to Cecile Meier about changing our rules and expectations for better and more “authentic” sex.
Juliet Allen is a self-described “sacred slut”. She wants women to feel empowered to experience their sexual energy to the fullest. In her ebook Ecstatic Sex & Deep Intimacy, she draws from her own sexual experiences as well as her various qualifications. On top of her Masters of Sexology from Curtin University, Western Australia, Allen also trained as a yoga teacher, a reiki practitioner and a tantra practitioner. Allen lives on the beach in Northern New South Wales, but came to Auckland last week to give a talk as part of a Women’s Collective event. She talked about our repressed culture, authentic sex and the art of forgoing orgasms.
Your podcast is called Authentic Sex – is it more difficult to achieve sexual authenticity in the age of porn?
I think porn definitely has had a huge impact on our sexuality. It’s always been around but now we can access it at a young age. For young people it’s often their first experience of sex. Porn is very much focused on the pleasure of men rather than authentic love and connection. They even use makeup on genitals to make them look great – and women always have these loud orgasms. It creates body shame and performance anxiety. That said, I’m not against porn. There is a place for it if it is watched in a conscious way.
People often aren’t aware of the impact porn had on them until they are in a session with me and they are like: “Oh, I’ve been watching porn since I was 12 and comparing my penis size with what I saw on screen.”
What have been the turning points in your own sexual journey?
In our culture we are not educated about sex in a holistic way. As young people, all we hear about is how to put on a condom, how to avoid getting a sexually transmitted disease and to not get pregnant. Aussie people – and it is probably similar in New Zealand – are really shut down in exploring sex and even just being naked around other people. So a turning point in my sexual awakening was going to live in Brazil on an exchange when I was 16. The culture there is very sexual. People are more Juliet Allen, right, says repressing emotions leads to a loss of sexual pleasure.