What if the se­cret to great sex was for­get­ting about or­gasms? Aus­tralian sex­ol­o­gist Juliet Allen talks to Ce­cile Meier about chang­ing our rules and ex­pec­ta­tions for bet­ter and more “au­then­tic” sex.

Sunday Star-Times - Sunday Magazine - - COVER STORY -

Juliet Allen is a self-de­scribed “sa­cred slut”. She wants women to feel em­pow­ered to ex­pe­ri­ence their sex­ual en­ergy to the fullest. In her ebook Ec­static Sex & Deep In­ti­macy, she draws from her own sex­ual ex­pe­ri­ences as well as her var­i­ous qual­i­fi­ca­tions. On top of her Masters of Sex­ol­ogy from Curtin Uni­ver­sity, Western Aus­tralia, Allen also trained as a yoga teacher, a reiki prac­ti­tioner and a tantra prac­ti­tioner. Allen lives on the beach in North­ern New South Wales, but came to Auck­land last week to give a talk as part of a Women’s Col­lec­tive event. She talked about our re­pressed cul­ture, au­then­tic sex and the art of for­go­ing or­gasms.

Your pod­cast is called Au­then­tic Sex – is it more dif­fi­cult to achieve sex­ual authen­tic­ity in the age of porn?

I think porn def­i­nitely has had a huge im­pact on our sex­u­al­ity. It’s al­ways been around but now we can ac­cess it at a young age. For young peo­ple it’s of­ten their first ex­pe­ri­ence of sex. Porn is very much fo­cused on the plea­sure of men rather than au­then­tic love and connection. They even use makeup on gen­i­tals to make them look great – and women al­ways have these loud or­gasms. It cre­ates body shame and per­for­mance anx­i­ety. That said, I’m not against porn. There is a place for it if it is watched in a con­scious way.

Peo­ple of­ten aren’t aware of the im­pact porn had on them un­til they are in a ses­sion with me and they are like: “Oh, I’ve been watch­ing porn since I was 12 and com­par­ing my pe­nis size with what I saw on screen.”

What have been the turn­ing points in your own sex­ual jour­ney?

In our cul­ture we are not ed­u­cated about sex in a holis­tic way. As young peo­ple, all we hear about is how to put on a con­dom, how to avoid get­ting a sex­u­ally trans­mit­ted dis­ease and to not get preg­nant. Aussie peo­ple – and it is prob­a­bly sim­i­lar in New Zealand – are re­ally shut down in ex­plor­ing sex and even just be­ing naked around other peo­ple. So a turn­ing point in my sex­ual awak­en­ing was go­ing to live in Brazil on an ex­change when I was 16. The cul­ture there is very sex­ual. Peo­ple are more Juliet Allen, right, says re­press­ing emo­tions leads to a loss of sex­ual plea­sure.

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