Neglect, abuse

LAST WEEK I was asked to leave a West Auckland hotel because I asked a mother why, after five hours there, she hadn’t taken her 7-year-old son (head in hands) home. I tried to say it in an affable tone rather than an accusatory one. So much for protecting the undefended – all hell let loose. I now get why people ‘‘don’t report’’. I was accused of being ‘‘judgmental’’, close friends abstained from comment and my partner ushered me away in hushed tones. While I was sitting quietly trying to make sense of it all, a staff member whispered in my partner’s ear, ‘‘I think it best she leave’’. This is anecdotal evidence from a white middleclass person challenging another woman of similar socio-economic background; not some violent, South Auckland stereotypical media-hyped situation so many wish to believe. Child neglect and abuse thrives in New Zealand. It’s reported in the media, and we all go ‘‘OMG that’s upsetting’’ yet, when we say something, it means diddly-squat. We need to change is the culture of our thinking. MICHAEL LAWS’ view (‘‘Cafe right to get crying kids to leave’’, January 27) that children are somehow lesser beings and should be seen and not heard is outdated and demeaning. Children have the same right to be treated with dignity and respect as any citizen. Advocating smacking undermines the hard work hundreds of mums and dads to develop positive, safe and long-lasting parenting practices.

Contrary to Laws’ beliefs, smacking only teaches kids that violence is the best way to sort problems. Effective parenting involves positive attention to the behaviours we want more of, setting clear boundaries, and logical consequences. Mostly, it requires constant modelling of the values and behaviours we want children to live by.