In this section
BAD MUMS CLUB The secret online societies
MUMS ARE letting off steam online about drinking while pregnant, leaving their children in cars, and over- medicating their children as parenting pressure forces them to seek anonymous solace online.
Bad mothers clubs have become popular overseas, with women uniting – on and offline – to speak frankly about their experiences. Now New Zealand mums are using online forums to do the same. A 36-year-old mother of two children, aged 18 months and 4, spoke to the Sunday Star- Times about her own ‘‘bad mother’’ experiences.
The woman, who did not want to be named, said there was ‘‘ total preciousness and neuroticism’’ around parenting.
‘‘I am quite careful who I talk to. I am probably more honest with some friends than others. You are meeting mums all the time . . . you become quite quick at reading other mums. The anonymity of websites are good.’’
The woman said she was ‘‘reasonably loose’’ about drinking during pregnancy.
‘‘I never drank during the first trimester but I drank through both pregnancies, maybe three half drinks a week.
‘‘ With my second one, towards the end I was drinking probably two drinks a night.
‘‘ I also didn’t worry about any of the foods, any of the cheeses.
I drank through both pregnancies . . .
‘‘I leave the kids in the car all the time.
‘‘I have also left the little one sleeping in his cot upstairs while I go to kindy to pick up the other one, a 15-minute return journey. I know he won’t wake up but I also know that is incredibly naughty.’’
Her friends also children in the car.
Essential Mums blogger Jane Yee recently spoke about the guilt she felt when she mistakenly forgot to strap her baby into a capsule while driving, leaving him to cry for a few minutes only to discover his leg was trapped in the bars of his cot, and hitting her son’s head on the car as she was putting him into the car seat.
When a mum left her newborn in a supermarket car park in March, with a note to call her mobile if there were any issues, she was roundly condemned.
Clinical psychologist Rebecca Daly- Peoples said guilt was ‘‘pervasive’’ for most mothers.
‘‘A lot of that’s because we are bombarded with so many messages about how perfect we should be from television and magazines and family and from friends and baby groups.’’
She said that by sharing their ‘‘guilt’’ online, parents were creating a community.
‘‘They are a lifeline or support for people who are isolated.’’
leave
their