The secret diary of ...

My gravitas. Is my gravitas alright?

JOHN KEY

At the end of the day it’s not about who wins or loses a stupid TV debate. Someone’s just handed me something. That’s nice of them. I wonder what it is?

DAVID CUNLIFFE

Unless I’m mistaken, my first impression of the all-important TV debate is that I just handed the Prime Minister his arse.

JOHN KEY

At the end of the day I’d be happy to put my hand up and admit that I gave a pretty lacklustre perform- ance tonight. But that’d involve me having to take my hand out of my pocket, and I can’t be bothered, to be perfectly honest.

DAVID CUNLIFFE

Let me just say in conclusion and with due consideration of the facts that thank God something finally went right.

JOHN KEY

At the end of the day I’m not a political commentator and I don’t have time to analyse the debate or study my performance, and I’m certainly not going to go down the road of looking for someone to blame. There’s nothing like sitting down with your closest advisers and reliving all the moments when I got the better of Key. There’s nothing like it because it’s never happened before. It feels good. It feels natural. It feels like destiny is calling, and I’m picking up on the first ring.

MIKE HOSKING

My fair approach to both parties. Is my fair approach to both parties alright?

JOHN KEY

Hosking.

The

I blame Hosking.

DAVID CUNLIFFE

phone rang.

I

snatched

at

it,