Why John Key is our father of the year

YOU HEARD it here first: John Key, father of the year.

And here’s why. For all his long hours away from home, in the office in Wellington or gallivanting around the world meeting heads of state, our prime minister seems to be doing one thing right that should make him a model to all parents.

He is the very epitome of a supportive parent who trusts his children to carve out their own paths in life – then backs them unconditionally.

If he occasionally takes advantage of the odd perk of office – inviting Stephie and Max to join their parents staying with the Queen at Balmoral, or taking Max along to make up a golf foursome with US president Barack Obama – well, can any of us really hold that against him? We would all grab similar opportunities to create enduring life memories for our children.

The path his daughter Stephie, 22, has chosen is a provocative one, and might be difficult for many dad D to accept. As an art student in France, she shoots selfportraits of herself naked, bedecked with strategically-placed sushi and hamburgers.

John Key might have winced. He might have suggested a less inyour-face art. But instead, he laughs proudly. ‘‘I told her to eat her food, not play with it.’’

He has just returned from a Middle East trip, and will not be able to make it to her exhibition – but Stephie knows she has her mum and dad’s support. ‘‘There are different pressures that often come with being children of high profile parents, but we’re proud of the way both Stephie and Max cope,’’ he said yesterday.

It is one of the contradictions of parenting: we pay lip service to letting our children take risks, we swear we will never wrap them in cotton wool. But when it comes to the crunch, we want to protect them from the big, bad world. We are terrified of them coming to harm. We surround them with safety nets on their trampolines and climbing frames. We cushion them from impact, both literal and metaphorical.

That is why the brave initiatives at Swanson primary school, in west Auckland, have sparked interest around the world. Swanson is a ‘‘free play’’ school where children climb trees, ride skateboards and play bullrush.

Now, not content with sand hazards and water hazards, the school is installing fire pits. Principal Bruce McLachlan says modern children often miss out on experiences like sitting around a campfire and toasting marshmallows, so he wants to teach them about the dangers and the magic of fire.

Swanson parents have been happy to let their kids be kids. The challenge is for the rest of us to do the same.

Writer David Slack has a new book out in July, Bullrush, in which he challenges New Zealanders to give our kids enough room to learn and grow.

In it, he warns of a culture of caution. ‘‘We tend to swing wildly between two points of view moved by sentiment more than reason. At a moment of calamity, our mood is agitated: Something has gone wrong. Somebody must be to blame. But on those days when nothing is going wrong, A different parent comes out to play: Why on earth are these nanny state busybodies being so ridiculously cautious?’’

If we can free up ourselves, our schools and childcare centres to allow our kids to take some risks – and not unduly castigate them when, inevitably, there are the odd scratches and bruises and even broken bones – then we will enable our children to learn to manage risk themselves.

They may, like Stephie Key, end up taking bolder risks than we anticipated. and we should, like John Key, support them wholeheartedly.