The sleep whisperer

Emma Purdue’s stock and trade is dealing with some of the toughest negotiators, and biggest egos, around – toddlers.

A Bachelor of Science graduate and a certified infant and child sleep expert, she founded Baby Sleep Consultant Ltd 41⁄2 years ago.

Since then Purdue and her consulting team have helped frazzled parents all over the world convince their toddlers to go to bed.

‘‘The first thing we say is never negotiate with toddlers.’’

They have no impulse control, and while they’re old enough to talk back they’re too young to understand reason or compromise. They’re harder to convince than the most fanatical ideologue.

Politicians, on the other hand, are masters of using reason and compromise to get as much of what they want as possible. But when it comes to defending their bottom-line core

issues, a politician’s tactics are similar to what Purdue teaches parents of toddlers, she says.

Purdue advises parents to set rules before they need them, so they don’t accidentally set a bad precedent.

It’s non-negotiable the toddler doesn’t hit people, throw things or get out of bed. But maybe there could be some leeway on a story, or leaving a light on.

‘‘Basically, it’s okay to ask for a drink in bed, but not to ask for 65 stories before bedtime.’’

Once boundaries are set, it’s important to stay firm, for which Purdue teaches two key tactics – ‘‘the silent return,’’ where the parent picks up the toddler and puts them back in bed, without saying a word, as many times as it takes; and ‘‘the broken record,’’ when the parent calmly repeats themselves until the child listens.

This is also a popular tactic with politicians, from John Key’s frequent promise to resign rather than raise the retirement age to Peters’ series of cue cards with ‘no’ on them.

‘‘You don’t get angry, you keep your cool and do the same action over and over again until they realise you won’t budge. It may take days, but it works really well on teenagers too.’’

Purdue says the trick is to be firm without making the child any more upset or angry and has branded it Parental Survivor, because like the reality show’s slogan you need to outwit, outlast and outplay your toddler. ‘‘I think political negotiations are a lot like that too,’’ she says.

But she still thinks parents have more motivation to play the game harder. ‘‘You don’t want to lose your immunity idol to your toddler, it’s really embarrassing.’’