A shift in income can be a real test of faith
A career crisis can put your relationship under pressure, Hannah McQueen writes.
Most people start married life by making vows, which traditionally include the line ‘‘for richer, for poorer’’.
Usually, that’s not something you think too much more about, because you’re young, unencumbered and the going is good. You are both in good jobs, with good prospects.
You work hard, progress quickly and enjoy the perks of earning more than ever before, by spending more than you ever have before.
That is, until the good job is lost, or one of you hits a wall. Let’s say he’s burnt out or at a career crossroads, so you both agree he needs some time out – just for a month or so.
But that time passes and he’s taken to unemployment like a duck to water. He has ideas of developing a business, but for now they’re just that – ideas.
You want to be supportive but it’s scaring you, and his general lack of regard for the family finances is unsettling. You want to believe in him, but someone has to think about the practicalities.
For the first time, you’re forced to confront the reality of those long-ago vows. So what do you do?
This is a scenario I’ve seen play out over and over again with my clients. The face of the workplace has changed dramatically, and the only certainty is more change is coming.
More people are also quitting, not because they’ve found something better, but because they want a break, or to start their own business.
That sounds great, but the implications can be drastic and demand proper consideration.
As the spouse of someone who is fundamentally unhappy in their job, you bear the brunt of it, so it can be a relief knowing there’s an end in sight!
But that relief can quickly be replaced by anxiety unless there are parameters around what comes next. Here are some of the things I advise my clients who are going through this transition.
Agree a time-frame, and what progress needs to be made, be it business milestones or financial ones. Often this is a natural deadline, determined by when your savings are going to run out.
Agree how much money you’re prepared to spend. Any business requires investment, of cash and time, so you need to be on the same page about what’s at stake.
Speak to a business adviser about the viability of your plan, because the advice or concerns of the ‘‘supporting’’ partner is often interpreted as a lack of faith – which is a breeding ground for resentment.
Measure your progress, and be accountable for the results. That means you also need to be prepared to pull the pin if it’s not working.
Changing careers or starting out on your own can be a good thing, but it can also be stressful, especially on a relationship – no matter how much you meant those vows.
Hannah McQueen is a financial adviser and author.