‘I tried to quit TV’
The children’s abuse letters that traumatised Suzy Cato
Early in Suzy Cato’s career, she wanted to quit television.
It wasn’t because of the extremely long hours or the constant reminder from others that she would never be taken seriously as a children’s presenter.
It was because of the letters she was receiving from children, revealing they were victims of sexual abuse and pleading to Cato for help.
‘‘When I read these letters, my whole body ached and my heart was broken. All I wanted to do was rescue the children from these situations.’’
This was in the 90s when Cato, then 21, was working on 3pm, an agony aunt TV show for teenagers. She was also the friendly face on the kids show You and Me.
She was so distraught over the letters that she handed in her resignation and was prepared to leave the industry.
‘‘What was being asked of me was a huge responsibility and honour. My own upbringing didn’t have these sorts of challenges,’’ she says.
‘‘I felt I didn’t deserve the trust that these children were giving me because I just saw myself as this fruit loop having fun on telly.’’
But Cato’s bosses refused to accept her letter of resignation. They convinced her instead that this was an opportunity where she could make a difference.
‘‘We addressed the issue of child abuse on our show and gave children advice about where to seek help. That’s when I realised that I was working in a medium that wasn’t just about pure entertainment.’’
And then Cato went even further and wrote to each child personally.
‘‘I sent letters back which were cryptic. It would say: ‘Thank you for getting in touch with me and sharing your challenges. I recommend that you find someone to talk to’. I wrote the letters in this way to protect the child, so what I was saying couldn’t be misconstrued if anyone had picked that letter up.’’
Cato recently discovered the impact of her actions after one victim made contact to thank her for saving their life.
‘‘One of the children got in touch with me as an adult. They said my advice – and the fact I reached out to them as a friend – got them through the hard times.’’
Cato’s decision to stay in the media meant New Zealanders have been able enjoy her talents as a presenter, a radio host and a contestant in this year’s series of Dancing
with the Stars – the latter a return to the small screen after a 15-year absence.
When You and Me was cancelled in 1998 after 2000 episodes, Cato was devastated. ‘‘TV3 had a new crew come through and they released me, much to my surprise and absolute horror.’’
Cato knew she had the experience and skills that would translate to other areas. After all, before television, she had worked as a music publicist and driven visiting stars such as Dave Stewart from The Eurythmics and Milli Vanilli around New Zealand.
But working in media was her passion. During her hectic time in television, Cato and her husband Steve had been trying to start a family. Cato was heartbroken when she had two miscarriages.
‘‘I focused on my work. It was a way for me to bury the hurt and get over it.’’
Losing her job made Cato realise it was actually a blessing in disguise. She could now focus on getting pregnant. She even considered IVF.
‘‘Once the production had finished, I collapsed face first on my bed and started to have time out. It was the universe telling me ‘Hey girl, take a break’.’’
Two years after her show was cancelled, Cato fell pregnant naturally, and gave birth to her daughter Riley, who’s now 13. Two years later she fell pregnant again and had son Morgan, who’s now 11.
And raising children is the focus of a new venture for the recently 50-year-old Cato: presenting a podcast with author Tui Fleming for
Stuff called Double Strength Mama Power ,in which the two mums will speak to local celebrities about their best parenting techniques.
Cato says she was extremely nervous – starstruck, even – over her first interview with Jesse Mulligan from TV’s The Project.
‘‘I’ve never had to share my opinions in public before. My experience is interviewing kids about crafts and things like that. But to be the one who’s interviewing the interviewers, that’s a lot different.’’
Despite her misgivings, it was the
Suzy Cato factor that convinced Mulligan to appear on her podcast in the first place, where he and his wife Victoria opened up about expecting their fourth child.
‘‘Brand Suzy is unlike anything we know in New
Zealand and we’re so lucky to have her,’’ says Mulligan.
‘‘Despite being massively famous, Suzy’s got empathy, she’s interested and she’s someone that we can trust.’’
Cato hopes the podcast will help parents around the country.
‘‘Parenting can be very stressful and at times can make you feel isolated and alone. We wanted to start a community to discuss different techniques about raising children.’’
And when it comes to her own parenting styles, Cato says she’s firm
but fair.
‘‘It’s hard for my children when I have to be the mum who says no, opposed to the mum that they have seen on TV saying ‘c’mon kids, let’s sing a song’. I’m human. I get cranky. I lose my patience, but when it comes to the stressful times, we talk it through.’’
She also says she’s protective of her children, and never posts anything about them on social media.
‘‘As children of someone that’s on TV, you’ve got to allow them to be themselves but also make them aware of the public.’’
It’s not surprising that with her love for people, Cato once toyed with the idea of becoming a politician while growing up in Kaikohe.
‘‘I was a prefect and I was getting involved with community events and was wanting to make a difference.
‘‘But this was during the Muldoon era and I watched that government unfold, the bickering and the name-calling. I got so incensed and it put me off. ‘‘It’s not something I have a head space for now. There are other ways that you can be influential in the world.’’
Her lasting influence and impact was on show last month at two awards ceremonies, a week apart: the New Zealand Television Awards and the Music Awards.
Cato presented at both ceremonies and was prompted by the audience, made up of music, film and television celebrities, to sing her signature song from You and Me, a tune Kiwi children grew up with.
Many in the audience knew the words and they received the song with great applause. Her rendition at the Music Awards even received a standing ovation at Auckland’s Spark Arena. ‘‘The reaction to the song is humbling. But the message it represents is about our tamariki. Each time I sing it and people join in, I hope it sends a message that the protection and safety of our children should be at the top of everyone’s mind.’’
It’s hard for my children when I have to be the mum who says no, opposed to the mum that they have seen on TV.
Suzy Cato