May the nerd be with you for Christmas
Iam terrible at Christmas. I spend half of December going, ‘‘what the hell are you even doing’’, and the other half wrapping everything I own in tinsel.
From December 1, I am on a strictly Christmas film, Dean Martin seasonal hits and Christmas mince pie diet.
It’s probably a desperate bid to recapture the wriggling excitement of childhood Christmases, but I actually quite like Christmas music, especially that one song that sounds like it’s from a Tim Burton movie – Carol of the Bells.
I have two Christmas trees – one of them plays
Deck The Halls. It matches our wee Santa who
dances to Jingle Bells.
Once a year I eat my own bodyweight in mince pies, then someone else’s bodyweight in them too. If I’m not at least 67 per cent Christmas mince by December 24, something’s amiss. In fact, I’m eating a Christmas mince pie as I write this. I have no shame.
That brings me to the true meaning of Christmas: to spend money you don’t really have on things people would never buy themselves because they don’t actually want them. Praise be.
(I’m just teasing, please don’t write in to complain. I know it’s also about how many chocolate coins you can stick in your mouth in one go, and pavlova.)
I’m here to help you buy the nerd, geek, gamer, or super fan in your life something they actually want, with my annual Ultimate Nerdmas Gift Guide.
Too cute for Santa
Two words: enamel buttons. Aliexpress has an outstanding range. Anime, Freddie Mercury, Harry Potter, gaming, Stephen Universe, Adventure Time, Alice in Wonderland, The Addams Family, pizza and Ruth Bader Ginsberg – there’s a fetching enamel pin for anyone itching to ... discreetly ... let their freak flag fly. They cost US$1-$3 each (NZ$3-$6), with free shipping.
Taika Waititi is our king
The Wellington film-maker is as synonymous with his pineapple shorts suit as he is with suburban vampires, laughing until you cry, and cool Thor.
You can give the aspiring comedian or director in your life a little Waititi-style style with a pineapple or floral shorts suit like his from Wallpapr. At just $50 (plus postage) for the shirt or shorts, they are pretty good value for something you’ll wear all summer.
But if you don’t want to wear Taika, why not own him, and put him on your shelf? Funko Pop has made a limited-edition Taika Waititi figure. They were like hen’s teeth at this year’s San Diego Comic Con, so now the only place you can get one is eBay, where they can go for up to US$400.
Have a good search around and you may be able to find one for about US$100, which is still quite expensive for a doll of that bloke from Scarfies, but probably worth it.
Replica fever
I’m not a big buyer of merchandise, I prefer prop replicas. The best place in New Zealand to go for that sort of thing is, of course, Weta Workshop.
This replica sleigh bell from the film Krampus has been on every gift guide I’ve made, because it is absolutely the best replica for its price at NZ$20.
Weta’s Mirkwood Gaol Key, and Key to Erebor from The Hobbit films are also flawless prop replicas, and come in their own little display cases, for $40.
Star Wars fans can spend a small fortune on replica costumes and weapons. (Weta does make full Stormtrooper and DarthVader suits for crazy money.) But you can carry your own little piece of Star Wars with a set of Han Solo’s lucky sabacc dice for playing ‘‘Corellian Spike’’. Fishpond has a set for NZ$85 that are large, film-accurate and goldplated, should you require such a thing. A smaller set is also available for $30.
Bookish types
The voice of the You Must Remember This podcast, Karina Longworth has a book. Seduction: Sex, Lies, and Stardom in Howard Hughes’s Hollywood is available from Amazon for about NZ$32. Longworth is a seriously knowledgeable film historian.
Check out her outstanding podcast if you’re interested in the ‘‘secret and/or forgotten history of Hollywood’s first 100 years’’.
There are few good (and, by good, I mean funny) celebrity self-help books around but, for my money, Joe Manganiello’s Evolution: The CuttingEdge Guide to Breaking Down Mental Walls and Building the Body You’ve Always Wanted (NZ$23) is by far the best.
Not only will you feel inspired to do something about the number of mince pies you’ve eaten, but you will laugh off a few calories while you’re reading it.
In Manganiello’s own humble words, he has ‘‘stolen mana from the gods, to give it to you’’.
The hot option
Give someone you love the gift of Jason Momoa’s abs this Christmas. Aquaman is out on Boxing Day. A movie ticket at a multiplex should cost between $10 and $18. Add a box of popcorn and you have a solid gift.
The blow out
I like the idea that I live in a world where someone would give a Lego collectable to someone as a gift, rather than being the preserve of middle-aged men who’ve secretly saved for it for seven years and will never let anyone else play with it.
The Lego Star Wars’ Ultimate Collector Millennium Falcon is the stuff of nerdy dreams.
It has 7500 pieces and weighs nearly 12 kilograms, and it comes with tiny little porgs, two ages of Han Solo and a tiny little BB8. Fishpond is selling it at an eye-watering $2780, with free shipping.
It’s cheaper by almost $1500 on Mighty Ape, but that might have something to with availability and shipping. As you would if you were buying a droid from a jawa, buyer beware.