Down with the kids
Slip sliding in the Springs
‘Bum up, and hold on!’’ It sounds simple, doesn’t it. But when you’re about to head down New Zealand’s steepest slide, all that gets forgotten pretty quickly. It’s going to be a hot summer. Niwa is forecasting temperatures higher than average for the next few months.
And I have the solution: water slides.
Two of the country’s biggest have just opened in Canterbury and, best of all, they are both surrounded by thermal pools for those who just want to relax.
Hanmer Springs
Almost $5 million has been spent giving Hanmer Springs Thermal Pools a facelift, with a giant new slide, and a series of cascading pools set among river boulders.
Let’s first talk about the slide. It’s called the Conical Thrill, and you ride down on a two-person tube.
The first part of the slide snakes around a few bends, but the end is where it gets interesting.
All of a sudden, the slide gives way to a steep drop that gives you enough speed to launch up a near-vertical wall.
Laying eyes on it, I took a gulp. I’m sure many of you will agree that when we’re young, most of us think we’re 007.
As we get older, we become 008, 009 and then, before you know it, we’re 0062.
Suddenly, our outlook on life changes. Everything with a smidgen of risk is going to kill you. I’m at that stage.
So this slide looks a bit daunting. I can’t help but think I’m going to somersault off the tube and end up sprawling up the side of the half-pipe like a drunk daddy longlegs.
With my nervous energy at nuclear level, I start the ascent up the tower.
At the top, I notice a couple of kids – who look all of 7 – getting ready to launch down the slide. Surely, it can’t be that bad?
With plenty of laughter, punctuated with a few screams, I watch them pop out the bottom and up the side of the half-pipe before landing in the splash pool at the bottom.
If they can make it look easy, I can too, I tell myself.
We settle on to our two-person tube, then the attendant yells: ‘‘bum up, hold on!’’
Hang on for a second: bum up? That raises an avalanche of questions. Why should I put my bum up? What happens if I put it down? And how far should I have my bum up? I started a line of questioning that a detective would be proud of.
It turns out you can bump your bum – or dent your derriere, if you’re a little more classy – on the downward slope. So, just keep it up.
So, with my rear end lifted so high I resemble a human triangle, we push off.
Luckily, I have a recording of audio from the slide. I was riding with my partner, Radha. It reads like a black box recording, moments before disaster.
Radha: ‘‘I’m scared, oh, so scared.
Brook: ‘‘Oh, God. Oh, God.’’
Radha: ‘‘Why do you make me do this?’’ Brook: ‘‘Oh, God.’’
Radha: ‘‘I need to hold your leg.’’
Brook: ‘‘Get off!’’
(Laughter)
Radha: (Inappropriate language, followed by a scream that was probably heard back in Christchurch.)
Brook: ‘‘Oh, God – no!’’
In perfect, choir-like unison: ‘‘Ahhhhhhhh !!!!! ’’ (Ends transmission.)
We made it. The steep incline was too quick to
be terrifying, and the near-vertical wall was full of fun rather than fear. It was so good, we ended up doing it five times in a row.
Hanmer Springs has three other slides, including the Super Bowl – a large circular bowl you slide into, then flick around several times, before getting sucked out the bottom.
It’s fantastic fun for kids, and equally as smileinducing for adults.
For those who appreciate the slower, quieter things in life, there are five new Cascade Pools surrounded by river rocks and waterfalls.
Tekapo Springs
It’s a magnificent time of the year to visit the Mackenzie Country. Lupins burst to life with a symphony of pinks and purples that contrast vividly against the bold turquoise glacial lakes.
The resulting vistas attract tourists from all over the world.
After you’ve soaked in the sights, it’s time to head to Tekapo Springs.
The popular thermal pools just launched a new speed slide that is unlike anything I’ve ever seen.
The inflatable slide has been placed down a slope used for tubing in winter. It’s a long, skinny 150-metre shoot that you fire down like a human bullet. Then, at the bottom of the slide, you enter a big inflatable half-pipe that you do a half circle in, before coming to rest in a final splash pond.
It is intense. You can hardly open your eyes, and have no control, you’re going so fast. If you lie back and cross your arms, you go even faster.
At the end of the main shoot, the aim is to make a perfect half-circle up the side of the slide, before entering the final splash pond. But we just kept spinning out.
Kids and adults with a sense of adventure will love it.
Tekapo Springs has also just opened what is surely the biggest bouncy castle in New Zealand.
The Jumpernaut has slides, obstacles, climbing walls, bouncing mats, tunnels, and mazes. It’s like an inflatable dream for kids, and a chance for adults to remember what it’s like to have fun, too.
Then there is the adjacent hot springs, which is a place for parents to unwind and spend a little quiet time away from the slide and castle.
If you get the chance, don’t miss the hot spring star-gazing.
You’ll lie on an underwater hammock and listen to an astronomer point out the stars. It’s so relaxing that it’s hard to stay awake. And that’s just what a summer holiday should be about.