‘‘The royals smile and wave and gobble up millions and millions of dollars just to cut ribbons and live in a palace. Move with the times.’’
The British royal family are a waste of space. What do they really do? They smile and wave at important diplomatic meetings. Sometimes they don’t even smile and the wave is usually half-arsed too.
When Britain annoys Germany with some new trade deal then they send over a royal to a fancy banquet dinner to smile and win the hearts of the people.
When we want to get friendly with a country we send over Winston Peters in a suit made of old curtains. He definitely doesn’t smile and is more a stern pointer than friendly waver, but hey, we’re doing all right.
The cost to New Zealand of hosting Meghan and Harry in 2018 for five days was $1,007,729. That is bloody ridiculous. An astronomical amount.
Hosting Peters overseas for five days would cost a fraction of that and I could have extended my twoyear OE to a 20-year stay.
And don’t give me this ‘‘oh, that’s just a drop in the bucket’’. I hate it when people say that. Like when John Key held his absurd $26m flag-popularity contest.
The true blue Nats around me would say ‘‘It’s not actually that much money in the scheme of things’’. In the scheme of things? Snap out of it – thousands of charities in New Zealand would have bled for 1 per cent of that figure.
Before I carry on, just a quick apology to my Mum, who’s born and bred British. Right, and now here we go again.
Bugger keeping Whakaari/White Island at the top of people’s donating minds. That country Australia, the one that is on fire? Yeah, nah, she’ll be right.
Let’s instead just run endless news stories on a royal family that have really nothing to do with us these days because why not? People love the Kardashians, right? Right?
If there’s one referendum I’m keen to vote on it’s parting ways with the Commonwealth. We’re the commoners yet the royals seem to have all the wealth.
The royals who smile and wave and gobble up millions and millions of dollars just to cut ribbons and live in a palace. Move with the times.
The Queen is not charging into battle on horse back screaming ‘‘For England!’’ The Queen really does nothing at all. They have a government for that. Voted for by the people. The royals were not voted in.
This is not an episode of The X Factor because if it was, they’d all be voted off first round for their terrible half-smile-and-limp-wave routine.
Wow, this newspaper column thingy is a great way to vent. For me it boils down to this: the royals made sense in 1820, not so much in 2020.
These days we’re all very aware of world issues that need financial backing and this royal family is just a money-sucking black hole that pulls the media’s attention from important world issues.
No-one cares about this family tiff. My Dad didn’t talk to my brother for an entire year once and that didn’t even make the Coffee News.
What do they really do for New Zealand? I think it’s time for this little Kiwi to fly alone. What do they really do for Britain? Apart from addictive news stories, not a lot. (Sorry Mum, it’s true though.)
Alternatively, keep them, strip them back to a regular-sized London apartment on average workers’ wages, and the next time they visit here they can have five days in an inner city hostel.
If they’re lucky they’ll find extra soap left behind in the communal shower.
All in all, a royal waste of time. (Again, really sorry Mum, I can still come over for bangers and mash on Tuesday night, yeah?)
The royals smile and wave and gobble up millions and millions of dollars just to cut ribbons and live in a palace. Move with the times.