Where did the disrespect come from?

relief, or fail to cope on zero hours’ sleep a night.

Oh, and then to crown it all off, we are expected to re-enter the work force immediately with heartstrings breaking, leaky breasts, and hormones. I had somehow previously got the warped message that in cultures where menstruating women were separated from the tribe, it was sexist. I have since found out that it was to protect and nurture the fertile women. That fertility, pregnancy and birth were sacred, not scorned.

In the 1990s there was certainly a culture where we won if we adopted the ‘‘Superwoman’’ line. Baby out, put on your power suit, back to work smiling. Breast pump in briefcase, best-employee award tucked under the other arm. Motherhood is a gift and it’s a journey, but it’s hard and it has slowly been undervalued and treated like it’s something that comes naturally.

It’s time we stopped this cruel expectation and let birthing mothers know they are incredible, and acknowledge their whole world has done a 180-degree shift. We should be observing them closely for baby blues and its big, mean sibling, post-natal depression.

No Kiwi woman should be leaving hospital not sure of how to bathe her baby, feed her baby, burp her baby. No Kiwi woman should leave still feeling after-birth contractions and bleeding from her nether regions like she’s dying.

At the end of our discussion my doctor and I hugged for 20 seconds and decided to change the world for New Zealand women. We have to realise that most don’t live close to their mothers any more. Most live hundreds of kilometres away, even countries away. Most have no idea what we’re doing, and if we have a partner, most of them have no idea either.

We need to stop sending the message that giving birth is easy. Not all of us can breathe through the pain, and pop out perfect babies in three hours without destroying our lady bits.

Can’t we just find the empathy and the resources to give those women a week to rest, adjust and learn? Women are important. Giving birth is a miracle. It’s not a competition.

It’s more than the time to ask questions. We need to take on government and district health boards and demand we don’t have to be trailing our after-birth behind us on the hospital floor as we go. We need to send a message of passionate nurturing and respect to new mothers. And get the shingles vaccination.

At the end of our discussion my doctor and I hugged for 20 seconds and decided to change the world for New Zealand women.