‘I had to open up and accept my failings’ Akira Ioane on fighting through the tough times and the band of brothers who kept him playing rugby
When this struggling Blues brother needed help, the Dorito boys were there to answer the call.
Everybody needs someone like the ‘‘Dorito boys’’. Akira Ioane certainly did in 2019 when he reached the low point of his rugby career, and maybe even of his life. He needed to reach out for help, and he needed someone who knew him well enough, and cared for him even more, to give him the message he needed to hear.
Ioane knows this now, but at the time it was one of the most difficult things he had ever done. He had to tell his mates, his Blues brothers, that something was bothering him and he didn’t know how to climb his way out of the deep, black hole he had dug for himself. They listened and then answered his cry for help.
Ioane, the Blues and All Blacks No 6, and one of the hardesthitting, strongest-running, physically-gifted men in New Zealand rugby, is now in his happy place. He’s on top of his game, his body and, most importantly, his headspace as he enters a 2021 campaign full of promise.
But that was not always the case, and, ahead of last night’s Super Rugby Aotearoa season opener in Wellington, Ioane is happy to talk about the ‘‘dark days’’ of 2019, when he could barely face getting out of bed to lace up the boots and walk the pathway out of the mire he found.
Which is where the ‘‘Dorito boys’’ come in. Ioane is one, along with younger brother Rieko and Blues team-mates Leni Apisai, Otere Black, Sam Nock and TJ Faiane.
‘‘We were all here, we all had points to prove, chips on our shoulders . . . we definitely lean on each other,’’ Ioane tells the StarTimes in a revealing chat. ‘‘We are a close group of friends, and it started with me opening up and telling them I was struggling in 2019 . . . those boys were a big help. It’s a weight off your shoulders once you can tell someone you are struggling.’’
This is a story Ioane shared a few times in 2020 during what you might call his rejuvenation as a rugby player. He opened up to Ardie Savea about his mental health struggles and prior to his All Blacks test debut in Brisbane, he stunned a Zoom call of New Zealand reporters by revealing he had nearly walked away from the game, so low had he sank.
But it’s a tale worth repeating because Ioane has a worthwhile message to impart. Big, strong rugby players can hurt, can lose their way and can require help. They also have to be man enough to confront the truths and accept the advice given by those they trust.
‘‘Everyone puts us on a pedestal, they think we’re supermen, that we don’t hurt,’’ reflects this 25-year-old who was put on the rugby fast-track the moment he emerged from Auckland Grammar as a man-child of immense talent. ‘‘It’s not just my story, but anyone who has been fighting their own demons, and needs to open up to someone.
‘‘For me it was being afraid to open up to my boys. I was always the big guy who never got rattled by anything. But it slowly starts to build and you learn who your close friends are and who’s just there for the ride. Speaking your mind is the best thing. I know that now.’’
It’s worth reviewing the Ioane career before we go further. He burst on to the sevens scene in 2014 as an 18-year-old, and by 2015 was running out for the Blues, Auckland and New Zealand Ma¯ ori with a fast-growing reputation as a destructive and athletic loose forward of special qualities.
It was only a matter of time before an All Blacks callup came, and when it did (a year later than his younger brother), for the 2017 northern tour (where he made a midweek appearance against a French XV), it was regarded as just the start of something significant.
But it never happened. His form wavered over 2018 and ’19, and even his spot in Blues and Auckland lineups came under threat. Then the criticism started to come, much of it decidedly pointed, led by a frustrated All Blacks coach (Steve Hansen) who publicly challenged the young loose forward.
‘‘Everything sort of caught up,’’ reflects Ioane. ‘‘I got ahead of myself. I played every game for [the Blues for] three years, and got too big for my shoes. I started chilling out, expecting I’d play. Then I went on holiday [in 2019], and blew out ... I got angry. I stopped caring. I came back for the 2019 Mitre 10 season, and it wasn’t the best I’ve done.’’
It was around this time Ioane’s mental health hit the skids. He had lost his love for the game and contemplated walking away. He had to tell someone. Family and friends seemed a good place to start.
‘‘I remember telling my brother I didn’t want to play rugby. He was, ‘are you crazy?’ He told me straight up to sort my s… out and get back on the horse. Him and TJ [Faiane] were the biggest ones ... I didn’t want to get up for training; I just wanted to chill in bed. You can have honest conversations and take them on board, or you can just flush it and continue what you’ve been doing.
Those boys gave me a boot up the arse, along with Dad.’’ When he told father Eddie, a former Samoa international, that he was thinking of walking away from rugby he did not get the reaction expected. As Ioane revealed ahead of his test debut, his father gave him a ‘‘kick up the bum’’ and not so subtle reminder of the privileged position he was in. ‘‘Saying that out loud shook me,’’ he reflects now. ‘‘We’ve got the best job in the world. There are people working 9-5 jobs who wish they were doing what we’re doing. I thought, ‘what am I doing thinking about quitting?’ ’’ It is fair to say that Eddie and mum Sandra, a former Black Fern, are his biggest supporters and toughest critics. Their love is unconditional. But their advice is unfiltered. ‘‘They know what’s best for you, and always say what they
think, even if it’s a hard pill to swallow,’’ he says.
Similarly, Ioane has no issue with the messages he was given by Hansen. Part of the healing process has been accepting responsibility.
‘‘I put myself in that predicament,’’ he says. ‘‘By the end of 2019 I wasn’t playing my best rugby. I was heavier, my bronco wasn’t good, my skinnies weren’t good. I expected to be next cab off the rank, but it wasn’t to be. That was my fault. It was a real wakeup call when [Hansen] said that on TV.’’
The story is nowhere near over, but it has taken a decidedly positive turn. Ioane got his act together splendidly in 2020, put together an outstanding campaign for the revived Blues and was selected for the All Blacks. He started two of the last three tests well enough to end the year first-choice No 6.
Blues coach Leon MacDonald believes the signs are good for further positive strides in 2021.
‘‘He turned up in great nick, he looks really quick and he’s hungry. He has pushed forward in the off-season, and hasn’t slackened off at all. He’s had a taste for the All Blacks and he wants more. That’s exciting.’’
Ioane has clearly matured. Sharing his story like this is indicative of that. He understands that mental health is a real thing and is even encouraging young team-mates at the Blues to reach out if they feel the need.
‘‘I know now when I’m not feeling myself, when I’ve got things I need to talk about, I’ve got people around me to do that. That gets all the s…out of your head, and you may not like what they say back, but you’ve got to take it on
‘‘It’s a weight off your shoulders once you can tell someone you are struggling.’’ Akira Ioane
board.’’
And now? He’s not resting on any laurels.
‘‘I loved it, but it was just a little taste,’’ he says of his All Blacks experience. ‘‘From where I started in 2020, to where I ended up was pretty good. But you don’t want to get ahead of yourself. I don’t want to be a two-game wonder. There are a lot of good 6s out there, and we’re all fighting for positions. It’s going to come down to who wants it most.’’
Ioane is ready to play his part. He got away from the grind over summer, ‘‘uncluttered’’ and, when it was time, got back on the treadmill and refocused.
‘‘When I enjoy myself I tend to play better rugby, and love the game more. I don’t want to think too much about what’s ahead, just enjoy moments with the boys, and hopefully do a job with the Blues and win a championship.’’
He also knows what worked in 2020. ‘‘It was blocking out all the noise. There are a lot of critics, a lot of haters and doubters. But if you’ve got a strong foundation around you, a close circle you can count on, it doesn’t matter what people outside that circle say.
‘‘I had to learn that the hard way.’’
Thank goodness for the Dorito boys.