More disconnected in this new normal

Human beings need connection. We’re wired for it. Our need for it is as fundamental as our need for food, warmth, and shelter – and like those things, when we miss out on it for a long time, it can be life-threatening.

‘‘My biggest feelings of ‘loneliness’ come from not having anyone close to me that intimately knows me and understands me,’’ a member of an online community I’m part of told me. ‘‘I don’t necessarily need a lot of interaction or multiple social gettogethers; for me it’s about the quality of the connections I’m able to have.’’

This is loneliness: an unmet need for connection.

We’ve all felt it from time to time, but for some people, it’s a more-or-less permanent condition.

Spending months or years feeling lonely can create hormonal imbalances, disrupt sleep, elevate feelings of panic and anxiety, weaken the immune system, and increase the risk of developing high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, depression and dementia.

And for many people, 2020 was a very lonely year. The lockdown was tough. ‘‘When the kids would go to their dads, I’d be by myself and not have physical touch from another human for up to a week at a time. It almost killed me,’’ a sole parent shared.

During that challenging time of social isolation, people at least made a conscious effort to check in on each other and stay connected in non-physical ways. Afterwards, when life went back to ‘‘normal’’ for some, others were left feeling isolated and disconnected.

‘‘[Lockdown] was not so different from my usual daily experience, except suddenly everybody was frequently checking in with how I was doing, concerned about wellbeing and connectedness,’’ a professional acquaintance who lives with an impairment told me. ‘‘However, the moment we came out of lockdown, those calls stopped. Everybody appeared to be going back to their ‘new normal’ but my isolation felt that much more magnified.’’

This week, the Helen Clark Foundation and WSP New Zealand will release Still Alone Together, detailing how loneliness changed in Aotearoa New Zealand during 2020 and what it means for our public policy. It builds on and updates a first report in June 2020, just after the lockdown.

We draw on new data from StatsNZ and previously unpublished survey results from the Roy McKenzie Centre for the Study of Families and Children at Victoria University of Wellington to track how loneliness changed after the level 4 lockdown.

We find that disabled people, sole parents, people on low incomes, people who were unemployed, young people, and new migrants were much more likely to report feeling lonely, and that for many of these groups, the experience of loneliness actually deepened later in the year.

This tells us something important about New Zealand’s Covid-19 recovery: while we have undoubtedly experienced one of the best responses anywhere in the world, we are at risk of leaving some people marginalised and excluded in our post-pandemic future.

Thanks to a growing body of international research, to which we hope to contribute with our report, we know about a lot of the barriers that can get in the way of forming and maintaining quality connections.

Living on an inadequate income places toxic stress on people and can make it impossible to get out of ‘‘survival mode’’ to prioritise social connection. Lack of meaningful employment can contribute to feelings of purposelessness and lack of identity. A disabling society, with inaccessible public spaces, inadequate housing and high unemployment, can make it difficult for disabled people to connect with others.

Sole parents often live with low incomes, high stress levels, and not enough time and resources to prioritise their own health and wellbeing, including connection with other adults.

Many of our streets, neighbourhoods, and public spaces have been designed in ways that discourage social interaction and communitybuilding.

These challenges can be solved with the right public policy. We need our leaders to adopt policies that make sure people have enough money, close the digital divide, help communities do their magic, create friendly streets and neighbourhoods, prioritise those already lonely, and invest in frontline mental health. In our report, we’ll set out the evidence for these findings and make detailed recommendations.

For many people, 2020 was a very lonely year. The lockdown was tough.