For many of us, today isn’t about commercialism

The ‘‘make her feel special’’ messages are everywhere, so it must be Mother’s Day. Has anyone else been caught this week yelling at a TV ad ‘‘that bloody well is NOT what this mum wants’’?

Apparently, we want necklaces with heart lockets. Maybe even a cheap plant from the supermarket that will die next week?

Looking critically at the Mother’s Day images we have been bombarded with this week, we are sold a view of motherhood as gentle (cups of tea in delicate china, vases full of flowers) and clean (spotless white kitchens and laundry on the line).

Don’t know about you, but my experience of motherhood to date is pretty far removed from that and, especially when my children were young, I was very aware of these idealised standards about what makes a good mother. And how I wasn’t meeting them.

You would think on the one day when we are supposed to be celebrating mothers, you could give us a break with the expectations to keep a clean house?

So if my children should rouse themselves this morning and present me with breakfast, I will raise a toast to mothers everywhere who do their best every day, and that is more than enough.

But many of us will not be getting or making breakfast in bed. For many of us, Mother’s Day is not a day of celebration.

Some mums will not be in bed this morning for their children to bring them breakfast. In the struggle to keep their children fed and clothed, they are still working the late shift or have already headed out to work.

And for all those mothers parenting alone, double hats off to you today.

For those of you who have lost your mum or a child, I will acknowledge the pain you feel today.

And for those estranged from your mother or your child, how you might grieve for the relationship you miss today.

For those unable to conceive a muchwanted child, today will be long and sad.

For many of us who are not ‘‘ma and pa and kids’’, I hope you have found ways to celebrate parenthood or family-hood in the ways that best suit you and your family, whatever fabulous form that takes.

I have a box in my wardrobe with the various Mother’s Day cards I have been presented with over the years. As my children head off into the world and perhaps start their own families, I am in no doubt that I will dip into the box sometimes with fond memories.

So while I despair at the commodification and commercialisation of motherhood and acknowledge how difficult the day is for many, I am still a fan. Because, at least once a year we are expected to say thanks for the often invisible, self-less work of mothers. And there are pancakes in bed (even if you bought the ingredients and have to clean up the kitchen afterwards…).