+ ALISON MAU
This research could save lives, but it’ll take time
I’m old enough to remember a time when buckling up in cars was widely scoffed at. In fact, I was school-aged (only just) when my home state of Victoria became the first place in the world to make driving without a seatbelt illegal.
Law or no law, their use was debated or ignored in families like mine for at least another decade or two. Same with drink-driving – I can remember a time when that was semiacceptable (and, disgracefully, I’m old enough to have done it myself on a couple of occasions when I first started driving).
When the inventor of the modern three-point seatbelt, Swede Nils Bohlin, died in the early 2000s, research released by Volvo estimated a million lives had been saved by their use. We would not question their effectiveness these days, but the social change needed to save those lives, took decades.
The latest research by University of Auckland’s Professor Nicola Gavey, chronicled in today’s Sunday Star-Times, could also save lives; but as Gavey says herself – it’ll take time.
Gavey’s study of teenage boys and masculinity was born from depressing events – the Roastbusters case in 2013 and Facebook posts referencing rape, by Wellington Boys High School students four years later.
The teenagers she and her colleagues talked to for the study were able to tell her exactly how masculinity norms in New Zealand – the ‘‘manbox’’ – were hurting them and their peers. Many wanted to express emotions other than anger (the only ‘acceptable’ emotion for men and boys). They wanted to
cry when they felt like crying. But they also said they couldn’t push back at society’s norms without risking rejection and isolation from their mates.
As a parent of a boy (and a girl) I’ve seen this up close. I know teenage boys who have taken a stand in support of their female friends on these issues, or stepped in to prevent inappropriate behaviour at parties, and then been ostracised from their peer group as thanks for their principled behaviour. The result can be devastating.
It’s no stretch to say schools and their culture have a big part in this.
Parenting is a long, steep learning curve, and you don’t know what you don’t know until you’ve experienced all of it yourself. Having raised two to adulthood, I would now choose their schools very differently, with the school’s culture at the very top of my list of considerations. A single-sex school with a loyalty to school before all else mentality would not feature on that list.
I thought about this as I picked up Metro magazine’s annual Best Schools In Auckland edition this week. It’s one of the magazine’s bigsellers in a city almost as obsessed by school ratings as Christchurch (famously) is. I wondered whether in 2021, the way a school prepares kids for life as good, non-violent, non-sexist members of society is factored into the results. I’d only reached the magazine’s editorial page when I found its editor, Henry Oliver, had plainly been pondering the same wider issue. He remembers violence as a daily part of his experience as a student at Wellington College; ‘‘especially in the first two years, the mere act of walking down the hallway in between classes was to confront pervasive and often random violence on a daily basis.’’
When I called Oliver, he said the magazine had been looking for ways to incorporate qualitative research on school culture into the mix for the annual schools issue. As he rightly points out, it would have to be done in a way that is fair to the individual schools, and is as objective as possible – and that’s a hard mark to reach.
‘‘When I think about what would I want for my own kids when they’re high school age, my sense is that the culture of the school is far more important than anything else. Kids that are interested would do pretty well at any school. [But] reflecting on my time at a really traditional boys school, who were the people there who didn’t really get to thrive? There were a lot of good teachers there . . . but crucial to your ability to make the most of what the school gave you, was your ability to survive all that other stuff.’’
Gavey’s research shows that actually, there are plenty of teenage boys who would (and do) reject sexist and violent behaviour if they could; but the risk of being bullied or rejected by their mates is too great. There’s no doubt schools could be doing more to change the narrative society feeds our boys – but we can’t lay it all at their feet. Parents must do their part, too.
A few years ago I was delighted to be asked to be part of a group of parents providing feedback to my son’s school (a religion-based, integrated school). At a professionally-led research evening we were asked to come up with a list of wants and needs. Top of my list was proper sex education including consent and respect issues (my son was well past puberty but had not had any such instruction at school to that date).
By the end of the evening when responses were collated, I was dismayed to find no culture issues on the group list – more room for musical instrument storage in the hall was one of the top things this group of modern parents wanted the school to work on.
When the Roastbusters tragedy unfolded in 2013, there was much speculation about the culture at the West Auckland school where some of the young women were students, and from where the alleged perpetrators had recently graduated. Speaking more widely, Rape Prevention Education said it had seen worrying evidence of boys getting their information about sex and consent from porn. The head of the School Trustees Association, Lorraine Kerr, called for school boards, parents and schools to work together to find a fix.
I tried to get hold of Kerr to see what meaningful work had been done (or the name of school boards) in the eight years since, but did not get an answer by deadline.
Once again we seem to be leaving the hard work to the young people themselves. I’d like to send the boys in Kirsty Johnston’s article, and the boys who took part in Professor Gavey’s study, a bunch of flowers (something gender norms would frown upon) for the strength they’ve shown in stepping up on this important issue.
Gavey herself says this new work has given her a sense of optimism and I see where she’s coming from. Most of the insights from her previous (very important) work around gender in New Zealand paints a rather depressing picture.
We should all be optimistic. But changing attitudes to violence and misogyny, like seatbelts, will take decades. Time for us all to dig in and do the really hard mahi.