‘It’s not OK to be disrespectful’
If a friend says something sexist, 16-year-old Ben Cruickshank would definitely call them out.
‘‘I’m usually a quiet guy who sits in the background,’’ he says. ‘‘But I would feel fine with that and I think a lot of people would be. I’ve definitely had friends like that, and I’ve said things before.’’
Ben’s brother Sam, 13, says the same. ‘‘I would speak out. It’s not right to be disrespectful, they shouldn’t be doing it,’’ he says. ‘‘I’ve said things before, when someone was teasing my friend about their clothes.’’
But they both say that not everyone would feel comfortable – and that even though teenagers these days are more accepting of things like gender identity or sexuality – there are some that would still tease a boy for wearing pink.
‘‘Some people might question it,’’ Sam says. ‘‘And people are more accepting, but you might still get teased if you’re LGBTQ; they might be jokey about it.’’
The boys, from Takapau in rural Hawke’s Bay, are similar ages to those questioned for the University of Auckland research.
Their mum Donna Cruickshank says she’s encouraged by her children, and the way they treat their friends, compared to when she was growing up.
But some of the boys’ answers suggest there’s still a way to go. ‘‘You couldn’t cry at school,’’ Ben says. ‘‘Crying in front of your friends is a bit of a weakness.’’
He says he finds it ‘‘frustrating’’ that there are things that are unacceptable for guys to do. The typical Kiwi bloke is still seen as a strong guy, a family man, he says. ‘‘It does seem a bit strange, that showing emotion is off-limits. Guys need to express themselves.’’
Sam thinks it’s because of our country’s farming roots.
Both are keen to learn more about social norms, and think it would be ‘‘cool’’ to have workshops about masculinity and gender issues.
‘‘It would be interesting to see what people thought,’’ Ben says. ‘‘Of course there will still be some who won’t accept it, but I think it’s good.’’