‘It was quite scary remembering the dark hole I was stuck in’
Experiencing suicidal thoughts two years ago, competing at the Winter Olympics was the last thing on the mind of rising freeskiing talent Margaux Hackett. By Brendon Egan.
Freeskier Margaux Hackett has opened up about her struggles with mental health, revealing she experienced suicidal thoughts following a concussion two years ago.
The 22-year-old, who is competing at her first Winter Olympics in Beijing, begins with the women’s freeski big air qualification tomorrow (2.30pm start NZ time).
Rewind to 2020 and Hackett, the daughter of bungy jump entrepreneur AJ Hackett, was in a rough place after a skiing fall and doubted whether she would be at the Games.
Hackett hit her head in August 2020 while filming tricks for a video at Coronet Peak and suffered a concussion.
‘‘The next hour and a half I don’t really remember what was going on. I wasn’t unconscious, I was talking the whole time, but I don’t remember it,’’ she told the Sunday Star-Times.
‘‘I thought I was completely OK and within two weeks should be back to skiing. Two weeks later things went downhill.’’
The concussion caused sleep issues for Hackett, who dealt with ‘‘full-on insomnia’’, and led to her experiencing suicidal thoughts for the first time.
She had no energy and competing at the Winter Olympics was the furthest thing on her mind.
‘‘You can’t function without sleep, then those thoughts kind of came along and it went pretty dark. Until you experience that, you don’t really understand it. It was quite scary looking back and remembering what a dark hole I was stuck in.
‘‘To be on the other side feels pretty amazing. I hope I can get people to go and reach out for help if they need it and there’s no shame in doing that.’’
Hackett was fortunate to have a strong support network, including her doctor and psychologist, who were invaluable.
She attended the Aro Ha wellness retreat in Glenorchy, near Queenstown, working with Dr Amanda Foo-Ryland, which had given her fresh perspective on life and competing.
‘‘I’ve been working with her for the past year with all sorts of different things – nowadays on my performance and my skiing and helping be more confident.
‘‘At the moment I’ve got a hypnosis I listen to every day for a week, then it goes down to three times a week. Little things like that, that I wouldn’t have done in the past until I went and got some help.’’
Hackett will compete in the slopestyle and big air freeski events in Beijing.
The slopestyle involves a variety of obstacles including rails and jumps, with points scored for amplitude, originality and quality of tricks. As the name suggests, big air sees the athletes trying to land their best trick off a large ramp that propels them into the air.
After narrowly missing qualification for the 2018 Games in South Korea, Hackett was overjoyed when she was confirmed in the first wave of New Zealand selections in September.
She was ‘‘pretty bummed’’ not to be at the 2018 event, but over time had realised she probably wasn’t ready.
Four years on, she felt far more confident and prepared after some pleasing international results –headlined by top 10
finishes at major international events, including fifth place in big air and eighth in slopestyle at the 2020 X Games Norway.
This season, she finished eighth at the Freeski Slopestyle World Cup in Switzerland.
‘‘I want to go out there [at the Winter Olympics] and enjoy it and have fun, but also perform the best I’ve ever performed.
‘‘Hopefully that means making finals at the Olympics, then hopefully landing some really good runs that can land me on the podium.’’
Born and raised in Annecy, France, and describing herself as ‘‘half French and half Kiwi’’, Hackett said she could have easily been representing her birth country at the Olympics.
In her early days of competition, it looked like she might opt to compete for France at agegroup events. As she got older she decided she wanted to return to New Zealand more often and said there were greater opportunities with high performance.
‘‘I just started spending a lot more time [in New Zealand] and the facilities there were incredible, and the people, and I just felt welcomed. Everyone was really nice and the programme at Cardrona was really good. It opened up a lot of doors.’’ Hackett’s famous father won’t be in Beijing due to the strict Covid-19 protocols for the Games. Only selected spectators will be allowed at the events with no fans from outside the country permitted and tickets not offered to the public. AJ attended the New Zealand team announcement at Cardrona and was proud as punch standing with his daughter, conducting interviews alongside her. Margaux and AJ were at the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia, with the Games held near a bungy jumping facility, Sky Park, he launched that same year. Watching the world’s best winter athletes jostling for gold gave Margaux powerful motivation and made her dream of following in their footsteps one day. ‘‘We watched the slopestyle event and seeing the level of skiing at the time, I was just getting into it, I was like I can do that. ‘‘It kind of confirmed what I wanted to do, but kind of confirmed I had a chance to get there if I worked hard.’’
A vision that has come true eight years on.