Happiness is fa’a Samoa
Roberta Haynes ‘returned to paradise’ and Robert Louis Stevenson died on his Treasure Island.
Ifeel like I have stepped onto the set of a Samoan reality television version of Fawlty Towers. Checking into Return to Paradise Resort, named after the Gary Cooper film of the same name shot there in 1953, I am handed a welcome letter purportedly edited by a local woman named Aunty Pisupo.
Described in the letter’s preface as ‘‘a bit odd’’ but well-meaning, Pisupo is clearly quite a character, encouraging guests to ‘‘go hard’’ in the beachfront bar because ‘‘cocktails are so much healthier’’ than water – reasoning that fish don’t pee in pina coladas – and saying former United States president Donald Trump could do with being put over her knee and given ‘‘a jolly good spanking on his little orange bottom’’.
‘‘That would fix him and save all this indictment palaver,’’ she writes. Disagree? Don’t bother taking it up with her. Complaints will be forwarded to Pisupo, the preface says, but she will ignore them.
After welcoming the cast and crew of the latest Australian Survivor series to the resort, Pisupo asks guests to be patient with staff. Recently reawakened from a Covid-induced two-and-a-half-year hibernation, it is woefully understaffed, she writes. Many former employees moved to New Zealand and Australia in search of work, and new recruits are as green as can be.
‘‘Remember that for many, not only is this their first ever job, but many have never had the money to have even eaten in a restaurant, let alone had any experience in working in one.’’
That said, they will ‘‘move heaven and Earth’’ to correct any mistakes and make guests feel at home. ‘‘Because that is what our family is like.’’
Fears we are in for a less than polished experience appear to be justified when our party of five is led to rooms that surprise us and the staff with their unmade beds. But, feasting on super-sweet papaya and pineapple and a local breakfast dish that tastes like a rice- and coconut-based version of cocoa pops in the open-air restaurant, any irritation evaporates.
The smiles of the staff and their high spirits are infectious. It is hard to feel anything but love for your fellow human beings – particularly those who have suffered as much during the pandemic as the people of tourism-reliant Samoa – when you have stepped onto the set of a Hollywood blockbuster that had scoured the Pacific for what it believed to be a quintessential South Sea paradise.
Return to Paradise’s leading lady Roberta Haynes loved it so much her ashes were interred at the white chapel overlooking Lefaga Beach, and I can relate.
Once you have ascended to heaven, what better resting place for your Earthly remains than a palmfringed stretch of powder-white sand with what must be some of the clearest, most truly turquoise water in the Pacific?
And for much of our two days there, we and the kicked-off Survivor cast members had it to ourselves. If you are looking for deep relaxation in a hibiscus-scented tropical haven where you are made to feel like a VIP in an authentic Samoan village, this could be your place.
Our group of New Zealanders and Australians arrived on the first quarantine-free passenger flight since the country’s borders closed in March 2020, and appear to be among the first tourists to have returned. Wherever we wander, we feel like Samoa’s star attractions – Eden-like natural swimming holes to cultural shows – were made for our eyes only.
On our first morning we crossed the main island of Upolu to visit perhaps its most recognisable attraction: A heart-shaped saltwater swimming hole amid tangled green foliage, complete with Tarzanstyle vines.
A favourite with travel influencers on Instagram, it is often depicted as though it is hidden deep within some remote stretch of rainforest. Hence my surprise when we pull up at the car park and see it is basically someone’s backyard swimming pool. But as far as swimming pools go, you don’t get much better than this.
Formed when the erosion of lava fields pockmarked the Lotofago landscape with blowholes, To Sua can be seen as symbolic of Samoa’s sometimes paradoxical nature. This is a country in which seemingly ordinary settings often hide something extraordinary. If you think you have experienced all the Pacific Islands have to offer, wait until you visit Samoa.
Descending the vertigo-inducing ladder that descends into the 30-metre-deep swimming hole, I divebomb into its too-blue-to-be-true waters to swim with tiny electric blue fish.
Some reckless souls swim through the underground cave that connects the trench to the ocean but, much to my relief, our guide dissuades us from attempting it. I like to think of myself as fairly adventurous, but staring up at a cloudless blue sky framed by basalt walls draped in foliage in about 50,000 shades of green is a far more relaxing experience. And I don’t need another trip derailed by an unplanned visit to A&E.
A few hundred metres down the road, we find ourselves at a very different but equally idyllic swimming spot. The vibe at Vavau Beach is so laidback even the palm trees can’t be bothered to stand straight, preferring to lean lazily over a lagoon protected by tiny desert islands.
At weekends, the open-air fales that line the white sand are filled with families snacking and snoozing, we are told. But on a Wednesday morning, it feels like we have illegally accessed a private beach.
Looping back towards our Apia hotel, we indulge in beach time at Lalomanu, which Lonely Planet once named as one of the top 10 beach destinations in the world. I make a mental note to return when the beach fales that visitors once flocked to are back in business. Watching the sun rise and set over this white sand wonder would, I imagine, be a budgetconscious beachcomber’s dream.
At Taumeasina Island Resort, we are treated to a show by one of the country’s most famous faces: the inimitable Cindy of Samoa. She hosted her own show in Apia for years and featured in 1999