THE TRADITIONALISTS?
Grant Hambly likes order. He’s not religious, but calls himself a bit of a traditionalist.
That’s one reason he wanted to marry Lucy de Latour before having kids. De Latour is a partner in a Christchurch law firm and Hambly – an electrician – moved from Australia to do earthquake rebuild work. They met online.
De Latour, now 38, wasn’t so bothered about marrying before having kids, but liked the idea of a celebration to bring together their two families. Marriage also felt more secure, she says.
‘‘You kind of know where you stand. You know they’re really serious.’’
They’d been living together for about 18 months before marrying, in 2019. De Latour already owned a house but when they wed they split the mortgage.
While many of de Latour’s friends are married, of four who have had babies this year, three aren’t married. Hambly, 32, reckons his Melbourne mates are about 50/50 married and unmarried.
But when the couple had daughter Zoe 21⁄2 years ago, their traditional approach ended. De Latour returned to work when Zoe was 7 months old, and Grant left his job to be stay-at-home dad. They’ll do the same with 5-month-old George.
While most people accepted Hambly as primary caregiver, he was still usually the only bloke at baby groups. ‘‘It’s a mum-dominated world.’’
One surprise was the number of dads – and some mums – who were jealous of the couple’s less conventional care split.
But when Hambly returned to work part-time, his tradie colleagues would ask ‘‘How does that work?’’
‘‘I come to work two days a week, then I don’t for three – it’s pretty simple. They struggle to comprehend it.’’
De Latour says one upside of sharing maternity care is that both partners understand the realities. When Zoe was small, Hambly would get home from work and wonder ‘‘How can the house be this messy?’’
‘‘I was only about a week or two into when we’d swapped and I was like ‘Yeah, no, I completely understand now’.’’