The many necessary deaths of any good holiday

You don't use random capitalisation and put three exclamation marks on the end of anything unless you mean business.

I realised Noosa was a paradise on earth when I witnessed a man throw a net into a canal and pull out a dozen banana sized prawns.

To me that is the equivalent of kicking over a can and finding a gold bar or blowing your nose and dislodging a long lost diamond.

I think I even said something to the man like ‘‘are those really prawns’’. Because I couldn’t believe someone could walk to the edge of a sidewalk, throw a net into a canal and pull out $45 worth of exotic seafood without magic being involved.

That was back in November 2006 and it won’t be long before I will be back in that Australian Eden on holiday. Not because of the great beach, easy surf and immeasurably pleasurable climate. I am going there because of the prawns.

Before I go any further I would like to point out to anyone reading this that this is Part II in a yet to be determined number of articles on my holiday preparations. Last week it was about books and this week it is about prawns and other edibles. For me food is to holiday like bark is to tree. You can’t separate them without them both dying.

Now, even though I have first hand evidence Noosa has a supply of prawns that will help make this holiday enjoyable, I am not silly enough to believe I can actually catch them myself.

Which is why before booking a place to stay I first found out how close it was to the nearest supermarket because it had to be within an easy walk.

Luckily we will be just minutes away from a medium-sized Woolworths and, more importantly, the current price of a kilo of frozen banana prawns there is $23, as much as $12 cheaper than they are here. Jackpot.

As a further back-up I also know just two kilometres from our holiday apartment is a shop called Noosaville Fish Market. This is not a market at all but what we might call a fish and chip shop. I can see past those delusions of grandeur because their menu assures me there are ‘‘FRESH Prawns and Oysters available EVERY-DAY!!!’’.

You don’t use random capitalisation and put three exclamation marks on the end of anything unless you mean business, so I’m pretty certain I have my prawn bases covered.

There will be more to the holiday than prawns. Weeks ago I also ordered an incredibly cheap telescopic fishing rod to take there as well. The intention is to catch something non-prawn from the waters in Noosa.

This is another thing that stems from my 2006 visit. One night back then I sat on a small pier with a Norwegian plumber and drunk beer while two Aussie blokes fished and used strong language with a savoir faire that shocked even the plumber.

From the waters of the Noosa River they pulled all manner of life that you might have thought should not exist.

Some of the fish had obscenely big teeth or looked as though they pre-dated dinosaurs and could have in fact eaten them to extinction. They looked like they could and had killed a man. But I recognised a snapper and a thing that might have been a trevally and I know how to knock those into something edible.

Going overseas with the knowledge that catching and killing local food is essential to your enjoyment of the experience requires a bit of extra planning than your non-predatory trip.

I know, for instance, the kitchen of the apartment we will be staying in will have just one knife and it will be so blunt as to be a rock. This will be good when I want to make mashed potato but will be useless at filleting a fish or cutting a tomato.

So I will be taking with me both a chef’s knife and a filleting knife. I’ll also be packing a chopping board, a stainless steel fish slice, a paring knife, a stick blender and two steak knives, just in case.

At this stage I am seriously considering taking my cast iron frying pan as well. This is essential to assure not only my prawns can be cooked with the reverence they deserve but everything else I manage to catch and/or buy has a chance for a healthy caramelisation that no non-stick frying pan has ever been able to achieve.

There is one downside to travelling places with the intention of cooking and that is your luggage is not terribly different from someone who has the intention of committing mass murder. But I can assure any custom’s officer here and now that I have no such intention. Unless you’re a prawn.