‘A constant feeling of guilt’ – why I left my job as a Kiwi teacher

OPINION: I taught for 22 years, and for the last few years of my teaching career I was an assistant principal.

I loved the kids, my colleagues and I loved my school community. But being a teacher meant everything in my life revolved around teaching.

When I wasn’t officially working, my mind was still on other people’s children, and the mountain of never-ending work I always had to do.

I spent 22 years constantly feeling guilty for not doing enough, while my family lost time with me and we struggled to pay bills. I saw my colleagues living in that same state too.

Leaving my job as a teacher wasn’t about the school, it was about the profession and the dire state of education in New Zealand.

Seeing children, parents and teachers desperately needing support, and having to fight so hard to access it, wore me down. Now, five months after leaving, I’ve had a glimpse of how the rest of the world functions. And for the first time in 22 years, I feel like I can breathe again.

My heart breaks for teachers and principals who are busting their guts every day and night just to do the best they can for our nation’s kids. They are fighting for resources and respect, and I hugely admire them – but I won’t be back.

I hear how people criticise teachers, and I wish they knew just how enormous the job really is.

Unfortunately, it seems that only people who have lived it, understand it.

It is our nation’s shame.