Gaming obsession changing my son
Question
I have a 14-year-old son who started gaming during his occasional visits to his dad’s.
I enforce limits for device use at home but, after a family tragedy last year, my son’s life seems to have become dominated by gaming. Chores, homework, shared family meals, other interests and non-virtual friends have gone; so have good school grades.
In place of my son, a raging, rude, deceitful stranger has arrived who now terrorises his sister and is consistently contemptuous to me. It’s a nightmare. What can I do?
Answer
To see such a drastic change in your son’s behaviour suggests he’s suffering from a screen addiction. Addiction, ‘‘the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance or activity’’, is a frightening word, especially when used in relation to a child.
Sometimes, the suggestion of a young person having an addiction conjures up a perception of bad parenting and as a result, many parents refuse to acknowledge the addiction or feel shame and confusion, which limits their chances of getting assistance.
There are other symptoms of screen addiction to add to the list you outlined and they include, sleep deprivation, stealing, lying, truanting, lack of motivation, malnutrition, insomnia and depression/anxiety. You have bravely laid bare your problem and that is the first step to getting help.
It would seem the trigger for this sea change in your son’s behaviour was the family tragedy that occurred last year and although he may have appeared to cope back then, his behaviour now suggests otherwise.
He needs professional help and, unfortunately, you are going to have to work hard to find a specialist to assist with gaming addiction in New Zealand. This is despite the fact that screen addiction is an ever-increasing problem here and ideally we need a residential programme in this country.
Some children and young people can play games without being addicted, just as some people can drink alcohol and not get addicted. You could approach Dr Nicholas Kardaris who specialises in this field. He runs online help groups and has written a book, Glow Kids: How Screen Addiction Is Hijacking Our Kids – and How to Break the Trance. Check out his website: drkardaras.com.
He was apparently due to come to New Zealand this year, but that is on hold for now, of course.
Don’t give up on this boy, keep being upfront about this problem and perhaps get your doctor to help get you into addiction services of some sort in the interim.
Mary-anne Scott has raised four boys and written three novels for young adults. As one of seven sisters, there aren’t many parenting problems she hasn’t talked over.
Please note that Mary-anne is not a trained counsellor. Her advice is not intended to replace that of professional counsellor or psychologist.
To send Mary-anne a question email life. style@stuff.co.nz with Dear Mary-anne in the subject line. Your anonymity is assured.