Ditch the anxiety at meal times

Ihave been skydiving, swimming with turtles, travelled the world, but have not experienced a thrill comparable to the one I get from my toddler eating all of his dinner.

However, the times I get that sweet, sweet high are few and far between.

When my son first started solid foods, he ate anything I put in front of him. Broccoli? Loved it. Asparagus? Demolished it. Cucumber? Couldn’t get enough.

Now a lot of it gets fed to the dog and causes my anxiety to skyrocket.

I find myself questioning how many biscuits is too many biscuits during the day, and whether a child can survive on Marmite on toast alone.

The mum hacks I’ve found online of hiding vegetables in pasta sauces or in nugget form work occasionally. But not enough that I can trust he is getting all the nutrients he needs.

I’ve even resorted to calling green beans jumping beans and demonstrating that if he eats him they make him jump.

Oh, and to him, blueberries make you dance. I’ll try anything.

Nobody told me this is what parenting would entail.

At 21 months old he weighs 12kg, which the Ministry of Health growth chart tells me is OK, so he must be doing all right.

He eats at daycare just fine, and will snack throughout the day, but come lunch and dinner time I feel like a nervous butler to royalty, waiting to see if what I’ve placed in front of him is up to scratch.

When he takes a bite I breathe a sigh of relief.

I decided to speak to Dr Amy Lovell, a dietician and lecturer at the University of Auckland, to see if she could put my mind at ease about my son’s eating habits and perhaps provide some tips for other parents.

Her main advice was eating as a family, repeated exposure to new foods, and small portion sizes. She also recommended not serving milk with meals as that fills kids up. ‘‘It is a normal part of development for children to be cautious of new foods,’’ Lovell said. ‘‘It’s called food neophobia.’’

‘‘It’s an evolutionary thing that we sort of need to navigate past, and the way you overcome that is by offering the foods frequently.

‘‘If a child says no to a new food, that doesn’t mean no forever. You might get 24 yucks before you get one yum.’’

In terms of portion sizes, Lovell said a good rule was to follow the size of your toddler’s palm.

The amount of protein should be the size of their palm, a serving of vegetables should be their two hands together, and a serving of carbohydrates should be the size of their fist.

But, I put it to Lovell, what if you nail the portion sizes, eat together as a family, and have been exposing them to a new food constantly, and they still don’t eat it? Then what?

‘‘We sort of say 60 to 90 minutes between meals and snacks and that allows you to have a sense of calm that there will be another eating occasion, if you don’t have huge success,’’ she says.

‘‘It’s important not to overwhelm them with volumes. Portion sizes are a lot smaller than we think.’’

The mum hacks I’ve found online of hiding vegetables in pasta sauces or in nugget form work occasionally.

For my generation, a huge part of meal times as children was focused on not being able to leave the table until your plate was empty, or not being able to have dessert until you’d finished your dinner.

Lovell said it was important that parents now shifted their mindset away from this as it can be damaging to children.

‘‘What we want to do is allow our children to understand their own feelings of hunger and fullness. So we watch for their cues of fullness. It may not in our mind seem full, but if a child is indicating that they’re full, we need to trust that.’’

Speaking to Lovell gave me some new tactics to try, which will especially save on food wastage by giving smaller portions, but also reassured me that everything we are experiencing is completely normal.

It’s so easy to think my son will never eat cucumber just because he doesn’t eat it now. But I never ate mushrooms as a kid, and now I can’t get enough of those fun guys.

Here’s hoping if I give Lovell’s tips a go, I’ll experience the thrill of my toddler eating well on a regular basis.