Sainsbury hits stage with aliens and pink cucumbers
It was standing room only well before Tom Sainsbury took to the World of Words stage at the Womad NZ festival on Saturday, which is always a sure sign you’re in for a treat.
The Auckland comic, best known for his impersonation videos, didn’t disappoint, immediately drawing a roar of laughter with his first joke about his target demographic: 45- to 65-year-old women who enjoy “wine and cats”.
After warning people to “buckle up”, Sainsbury began a set of lists, the first an attempt to be more mindful by identifying five things that (could) make him happy.
Number one: meeting an alien. It didn’t matter if they wanted to probe or eat him, such was Sainsbury’s fascination with aliens that his number two thing for happiness was also alien related: having them over for tea, so he could gossip about things on their planet.
Other things that “could” make him happy included having Godzilla attack Auckland, getting lifted up in a waterspout or tornado, and keeping a black panther as a pet. (Instead of the latter, he has a kitten called Ross.)
Saying he wanted to balance things a little, Sainsbury also included lists of “negative things” – such as the problem with watermelons and how you couldn’t tell until you cut them open whether they were good or simply a “pink cucumber”.
Then there was a list of five ways his body lets him down.
Like how it leaves unflattering patterns on felt-covered seats that A-list actor Sir Sam Neill just happened to notice. And point out.
Another of his lists was of everyday characters who annoyed but intrigued him, including the “barbers who try to sell you crypto” and geriatrics who fixate on flies.
This led to a story about Cecil, the older man who rejected Sainsbury’s weekly visits to keep him company because of his inability to kill flies with tennis racket-style electric zappers.
He finished with a tale from one of his Matamata primary school dances and how the mismatching of the tallest girl with the shortest boy came unstuck during the Carry the Maiden Across the Stream dance.
Predictably it was during the carrying part of the dance that the boy’s knees buckled and his taller partner was sent flying, mowing down teachers and kids alike as she “rolling-pinned” along the floor.
Years later, Claire, the tall girl, told Sainsbury she bowled everyone because she “hated the dance and never wanted to do it again”.
While Sainsbury’s live set is a departure from his more well-known impersonations, it was full of hilarity and ended the way it started – with another raucous round of applause.