Family harm name reflects wider damage it causes

Changing the path for families

Te¯ na¯ koutou katoa, my name is Sally TaiRakena and I’m a family harm constable, based in Tu¯ rangi. I’m going to write a few regular columns for the Taupo¯ & Tu¯ rangi Weekender about family harm and how we, as police and the community, can work together to reduce it.

Many of you will know family harm by its old name, domestic violence. In more recent times, it’s been changed to the name family harm because it’s been recognised that the repeated effect of abusive behaviour, alcohol and drug addiction reaches deeply through all aspects of a family’s welfare.

There is the physical abuse but it’s also the verbal abuse that comes with it, the mental abuse and the effect on the kids — whether they feel safe at home, whether there’s food in the cupboard or whether they are going to school. So, it was decided to have a wider name for what’s going on.

I’ve been a police officer for seven years, and I’ve been a family harm officer for three of those, primarily up in Auckland and I’ve spent another three years on the frontline in Tu¯ rangi. Family harm drives a huge number of our calls for service so I was pleased be able to start this role in February to support the Tu¯ rangi community in this area.

Working in family harm can be stressful. It can be emotionally demanding and you are seeing people in really dire situations that can range from high level assault to verbal arguing, to a family affected by addiction.

But if we can identify the issues that are going on in our families, help them and support them, then we are going to have less family harm incidences and fewer families in crisis. It’s incredibly rewarding when you help a family, and their path is changed. You can look at the children and think ‘your life is going to be different. It’s going to be better’.

For some families, physical and emotional abuse has always been around them and that becomes their norm. It can be difficult to see past what is around you. But everyone has got the capacity to change. It only takes one person to change the path for the family, and for police and our partner support services, our role is helping people who want to make changes. It might take us going back to a family 20 or 30 times, and being told to f-off every one of those times. But maybe on the 31st time, they might not, so you keep the door open, you form that relationship and keep it going. You make sure that they know that when they are ready to reach out, they know who to reach out to and that you will help them.

If you need help, remember, there are people ready to support you.

I will talk more on the signs of mental and emotional abuse and how to recognise it in a relationship, next time.

Together, we can break the cycle of family harm.

Ma¯ te wa¯ /till next time, stay safe.