Parents keep memories alive
Ten years ago Scott Guy’s cousin, Andy Marshall, was killed when he was pushed out the window of a Perth pub. His parents tell Jimmy Ellingham how they’re keeping his memory alive.
Mother’s Day 2011 started like so many others for the Marshall family. Son Andy, who had lived in Perth for 21⁄2 years, phoned his parents, Wendy and Alan, and plans were made for the then Tauranga couple to travel to Western Australia for a visit later that year.
It would have been their first trip over and had given the family something to look forward to following a tough few months after Andy’s cousin, Feilding farmer Scott Guy, was shot dead in July 2010.
Later on May 8, 2011, Andy headed to the Ocean Beach Hotel with friends. The 29-year-old, a drummer in the band Rich Widow, was sober driving.
At some point the atmosphere in the pub changed for the worse and Andy’s friends left. Also at the pub was Stefan Pahia Schmidt.
Andy was talking to fellow patrons with his back to a secondstorey window when Schmidt pushed him, causing him to fall through.
Speaking from their home of nine years in Napier this week, Alan and Wendy remember their son as a man of humour, humility and love, who fitted so much into his years.
With Mother’s Day falling on the same weekend as the 10th anniversary of Andy’s death, it’s a difficult time. But they draw strength from their family and their Christian faith, as they have done for the past decade.
Their faith has played a role in an important decision the couple, married for 44 years, reached, to forgive Schmidt.
‘‘I think it’s the realisation that forgiveness isn’t about the other person. It’s about you,’’ Alan says.
‘‘If you hold on to bitterness you are the one being punished... If you become bitter, you become twisted and just keep reaping the bad benefits of that. It feels counterintuitive to do it [forgive], because everything points towards hatred and revenge.’’
Wendy says forgiveness isn’t something that came to them straight away, but is a decision made with family in mind. The couple don’t want Andy’s two siblings or their grandchildren to be bitter, so realised they couldn’t be.
And, with Alan a pastor at the Pirimai Baptist Church, putting their faith into practice guided them.
While never seeking publicity, Alan, 64, and Wendy, 62, say there is power in sharing their story to help others facing trauma or grief.
Soon after Andy died they were involved in an anti-violence campaign in Perth, called Enough is Enough.
Alan says as a society we aren’t good at public displays of grief, and it’s an issue that needs looking at.
They’ve also set up a website, Taken, where families of homicide victims can leave public tributes to their loved ones.
The glare of publicity has focused on the wider family over Andy’s
death and
Andy Marshall was a drummer in the band Rich Widow. He had lived in Perth for 21⁄2 years.
Scott Guy’s unsolved killing.
Wendy’s sister Jo is Scott’s mother and Wendy says the pair still ask: ‘‘Is this real?’’
Through the hard times family support has been hugely important.
‘‘We really are so grateful for the love of our wider family. We have both got mothers and siblings and children. I can’t express it enough, the love and the support of each other,’’ Wendy says.
She and Alan have travelled to Perth eight times since Andy’s death and had thought about returning this weekend, before Covid-19 took hold and they ruled it out.
Instead, they’ll mark the anniversary with a family picnic. And, as always, they’ll talk about Andy, who is still an important part of the family, making sure their five grandchildren, aged 1-7, know all about their uncle.
Andy was born in Feilding and raised there until the family moved to Christchurch. A talented sportsman, he qualified as a roofer and, after deciding to put a European OE on hold because of the global financial crisis, he moved to Perth to ply his trade. ‘‘People were attracted to him. He was just that sort of person,’’ Wendy says.
For her and Alan May 8, 2011, marks a point in their lives as defined as BC and AD.
Even unrelated news items or memories are spoken about as happening before or after Andy was killed.
‘‘Grief is not something you get through,’’ Alan says. ‘‘There’s not an end date on grief. It changes you, so you adapt to that and live with that and manage it, essentially. I think that’s one of the big things that you learn.
‘‘There are times when it’s completely overwhelming, but you quickly learn that there are circumstances in your life you can’t control, but the one thing you can is your attitude, and you learn how to approach life differently.’’
Wendy adds: ‘‘There wouldn’t be a day go by when we don’t think about Andy. He’s a huge part of our family and always will be, and we just have to wake up and make that decision every day to get on.’’
Schmidt was found guilty of murdering Andy, but successfully appealed against the verdict and, after a second trial, was jailed for manslaughter.
He was released on parole in 2018, after completing anti-violence and other programmes in prison.
Andy would have turned 40 in December and, Alan and Wendy say, he is with them every day, still offering words of encouragement as he used to.
‘‘We have a real sense that Andy is cheering us on because we believe one day we will see him again in heaven, but we just get that, ‘Come on Mum and Dad, get up. You can do this. Keep going,’’’ Wendy says.