Helping the living deal with death
This week we begin a series on jobs that aren’t necessarily dirty just misunderstood. talks to funeral director Janette Millar about dealing with death.
If you look up funeral directing on the internet you get a lot of jokes.
This is my favourite: ‘‘I always tie the shoelaces of the deceased together. The zombie apocalypse is going to be hilarious.’’
As material goes it doesn’t much darker than funeral humour.
Marsden House funeral director Janette Millar agrees that if you get a bunch of funeral directors together their humour can be a little on the dark side - albeit in a respectful way.
She says the downloading from this type of work can be tricky.
‘‘Unless you’re with likeminded people you can’t share this job. Nobody can relate to what we see. That’s where it is difficult, a lot of the time that side of it - winding down - its almost like you leave work and work stays at work. Because no one gets it.’’
But when it comes to explaining why she does it Janette is quick to sum up in one word - passion.
‘‘There’s a lot of passion in it and I think that most people that work in this industry have got that passion. Its an unsaid, an unwritten thing but without it you wouldn’t last.’’
When she first joined the job seven years ago in Greymouth she said she was drawn to it because she found the funeral directors she met were normal people.
‘‘I got to know them because I was a carer back then and they would come to the rest home to do the transfers. They were normal people, we had normal conversations and you saw what they were doing so that curiosity was there.’’
Janette started organising some volunteer work in the industry when she was contacted by local funeral home and offered a job.
Janette has since gone on to qualify as an embalmer and she describes that side of the job as a mixture of art and science.
‘‘You have to understand what’s happening with someone and the chemical side of it but then there’s the art side matching their skin colour and getting their hair right.
‘‘There’s nothing more rewarding than a family coming in and you’ve got it right. You only get one chance.’’
As for dealing with dead people Janette says its an individual thing.
‘‘It’s funny the things you think would trigger an emotion don’t. It can be what seems a normal death but it can trigger an emotion.’’
When it comes to the actual funeral Janette says her focus shifts to the family.
‘‘In the end the funeral is for the living. It’s for the family to grieve, say their farewells and celebrate. You shift your energy to the families and the people we’re looking after because they’re the ones who are in need.’’
For Janette the most rewarding part lies in guiding the family through that journey and seeing that they get a positive outcome from it.
‘‘You’ve helped them along the way and no matter what they’ve requested from you, you’ve made as much as you can possible and that lessens their grief.
‘‘If we can get the funeral right they can go on to the next part of their journey and live life with some lovely memories.’’
It can be stressful at times and that’s where the camaraderie of her colleagues is so important.
For anyone thinking about funeral director as a potential career Janette says the training is on the job although some courses are now available.
She says it’s not a 9-5 job and you have to be a counsellor, solicitor, event planner and medical professional.
But ultimately it always comes back to the passion.
’’I’ve always said that the day that I lose that empathy and compassion, the day I don’t feel anything for the job is the day I give up.’’