Cracking the code: what Steve Hansen’s really telling us
Steve Hansen sensed those among us prone to panic were getting a bit antsy after the All Blacks’ unconvincing display against Georgia at the weekend.
Thankfully, he decided to let us all in on a little secret to put us at ease: the All Blacks have been holding back in pool play.
The muddled approach they’ve shown in their first three outings isn’t the real game plan, guys.
They’re saving that for the knockout rounds.
It should have been obvious all along really.
The revelation the All Blacks are juggling twin game plans for the Rugby World Cup has thrown up a whole lot more questions about the campaign and left a few punters confused.
To help fans fill in a few gaps, we’ve decoded Hansen’s answers from the weekend’s press conference. SH: “We have three aims. One was to qualify, two is to be the number one qualifier and three is to build parts of our game we know we’re going to need later in this competition if we’re going to survive in it.” Translation: The smart ones among you will notice I have already ticked off two of those three aims. Steve Hansen — genius. SH: “That’s been to the detriment of some of the other stuff that normally comes with it, because you don’t have enough time.”
Because even geniuses have crosses to bear. SH: “If we bring our whole game straight away everyone gets to see what we’ve got. And that hasn’t worked for us in the past, so we’re trying a different tack.”
If all that hoo-ha over Aaron Smith’s personal photography has taught us anything, it’s that exposing everything may bring short-term reward, but it is only going to get you in trouble further down the track. SH: “If you look at how often we kicked the ball last night, or didn’t kick the ball, that’s not normal is it? No.”
I was going to leave that as a rhetorical question, but I don’t trust these plonkers to answer it correctly. I don’t suppose 18 handling errors is that normal either. Maybe we’re holding back too much on basic ball skills. SH: “We don’t need to panic, that’s probably the heading you can put.”
Or, an even better headline might be . . . “What you jokers need to understand is, Shag’s got this.” SH: “I can tell by everyone’s reaction this morning you’re all a little frustrated.”
You don’t get to my position without developing high
emotional intelligence. SH: “We’re working really hard behind the scenes and trainings have been extremely physical. And the turnarounds have been tough. So you’re rocking up to games with a really limited menu of what you’re capable of doing.”
About as limited as the Nando’s menu Tonga have been dining out on all Cup. SH: “Was it easy to watch? Nah, it was bloody ugly.”
Except when that Georgian got player of the match. That was super emotional. Pretty sure Fozzie cried. SH: “Without saying too much, we’ve probably played a couple of games amongst ourselves and hopefully they haven’t been filmed, so we should be right.”
Oh shit . . . I’ve said too much.