Get the kids’ vote and you’ll win the election
My children rate the politicians on pizza, glasses and some other stuff too
New Zealand has one of the best democracies in the world, mainly because it’s boring. There are issues but they’re not as life and death as other countries. We like it steady here. Which is probably why our two main parties are so similar. Take National’s recent Labour budget. As the parties jam up in the middle voting becomes more about who we like on a superficial level rather than what the candidates stand for. Kiwis either vote for their side because it’s always been their side or choose politicians like school kids choose friends. A gut favourability rating.
Which is why with less than 100 days until election 2017 I have some childish political research for you. I showed my two primary school-aged sons YouTube clips of Bill English, Andrew Little, Paula Bennett, Jonathan Coleman, Grant Robertson, Jacinda Ardern, Winston Peters, David Seymour and Metiria Turei. Then I asked Charlie, 10, and Barry, 7, how much they liked each politician. The results may or may not shock you.
Bill English
Barry — Isn’t he the Prime Minister?
Charlie — Didn’t he make a spaghetti pizza on facebook?
Barry — Why did the Prime Minister make a pizza? Doesn’t he have someone to do that for him?
Charlie — I would if I was Prime Minister. Barry — It looked yummy. Likeability: 9/10
Andrew Little
Barry — Where did his glasses go?
Charlie — Dunno. Barry — Did he lose his glasses? Charlie — Probably.
Likeability: 7/10 Note: A video in which the Leader of the Opposition was wearing glasses stopped playing so we had to move on to a non-glasses one. This appears to have adversely affected his favourability rating.
Paula Bennett
Charlie — She looks like mum’s cousin. Barry — Which one? Charlie — Actually I’m just thinking of her from the news. Barry — Mum’s cousin? Charlie — No her. Paula Bennett. Dick! Likeability 9/10
Grant Robertson
Charlie — Hey he’s the guy we found behind the house. Barry — He was nice.
Charlie — Dad, what was he doing behind our house?
Likeability: 10/10 Note: During the Mt Roskill byelection our subdivided neighbours were on Grant’s get out the vote list. As a result, he ended up in our backyard. We thought he was a burglar. Luckily before I could hit the Wellington Central MP I recognised him and invited him in for a beer. The kids loved him. He knows his cricket.
Winston Peters
Charlie — He’s old. Barry — He’s allowed to be. Poppy is old. Charlie — He’s thinks everything is funny. Barry — He’s smiley. Likeability: 8/10 Note: Poppy is their grandfather.
Jonathan Coleman Charlie — He looks like a dad or something. Barry — Duh . . . he doesn’t look like Dad. Charlie — No like someone else’s dad, dick. Not ours. Barry — He looks like the boss of all the policemen, firemen and the Army. Charlie — He talks like John Key. Barry — No he doesn’t. Charlie — Yes, he does you weren’t even listening. Likeability: 8/10 Jacinda Ardern Barry — Isn’t she already the Prime Minister or something? Charlie — That’s Bill English. Barry — With the pizza? Charlie — We already talked about him, idiot. Barry — Shut up buttcheek. Likeability: 9/10