‘I know the hurt, I know the horrors’
Corazon Miller meets a woman who lived rough for nearly 30 years and now gives peer support to homeless
Street kids know her as “Mamma Kat”, a nickname no doubt earned by her readiness to dole out a hug or stern word as needed. Today, Kat, 43, is living in a onebedroom apartment in Auckland Central. She also volunteers for Lifewise as a peer support person to some of the estimated 20,000 homeless Aucklanders.
Just a year ago Kat was one of them. Instead of a pillow to lay her head on at night she looked for a street “possie”.
Frequent haunts included Myers Park, the streets around Mayoral Drive, carparks and under bridges.
“The hard bit was finding a dry place to sleep, a comfortable place to sleep where you did not get looked at, and knowing where your next feed is.”
Despite the physical discomforts, Kat said the allure of the street lights, the steady hum of traffic and the sense of community on the streets kept her there.
It was where Kat felt the most secure — even though she had family who loved her.
“It’s not their fault. Don’t feel sorry for me because of what happened. At the time I really didn’t care. I just wanted to live, so I lived how I wanted to, which was party, drugs and alcohol.”
Kat described her early years in the care of her grandmother, with her siblings and cousins as “awesome”.
Then her grandmother died and while in the care of her mother they moved a lot. “Life was . . . a rollercoaster.” At 14 Kat left home. Her first night was spent sleeping by an Invercargill creek. “It was cold, bloody cold.” She stayed with friends, then at a halfway house in the city.
It was warmer, but it wasn’t safer; Kat was abused by someone she should have been able to trust and turned to alcohol to numb the pain.
“When I picked up a bottle, when I found the rum, that helped it along ... sometimes.”
She was just 15. She fell pregnant and was sent to live with relatives in Wellington. At 16, she became a mum. “I had to learn how to be a mother, but I still wanted to be a child.”
She would frequently spend weekends and holidays on the Porirua streets, before eventually fleeing for good to Auckland.
The people she met, combined with To see a video on this story, visit nzherald.co.nz ease of access to alcohol, drugs, and other addictive substances made her feel safe and secure on the streets.
“It was easier to get, easier to purchase and the freedom of not being told what to do.”
Her addictions also gave an easy escape from reality.
“That was the safety of a glue bag; you hallucinate a lot, you get to live your fantasy.” But the highs were short-lived. “Violence comes after the addiction. Those are the horrible things; being a victim of your own bad behaviour; not being able to control it unless you do something about it.”
Her transient life and addiction issues also cost her custody of her children.
“My daughter blamed a lot on me, she tells me to my face. I understand it. I tell her it’s not her fault.”
Today, Kat has gone to rehab, has her addictions under control and is in regular contact with her family — including her children.
Kat said nowadays there was a lot more support available for the homeless, but she said most of those who stayed on the streets long-term had been hurt in some way.
“They all got hurt; by home, by institutions . . . and they will stay here because this is what they call home; it’s all they got.”
Kat now spends her days trying to help those still living on the streets. “They are [my family],” she said. “I get to help them, because I’ve already been there, done that. I know the horrors. I know the hurt.”
But despite the hurts she has suffered Kat refused to have regrets — or to be pitied. “I used to hate the eyes, don’t pity me.” As for the future, Kat is positive, “always looking forward”.
Auckland Mayor Phil Goff and The Bachelor NZ runner-up Lily McManus are among well-known Kiwis joining this year’s Lifewise Big Sleepout.
On his fundraising page, Goff said homelessness was a growing problem in Auckland that needed to be tackled as a priority.
“The harsh reality is that we see people sleeping rough all over the city, with City Mission calculating at least 179 people within a 3km radius of the Sky Tower,” he said.
“It’s been estimated that over 20,000 Aucklanders could be without a home.”
Goff said the numbers were “untenable” in a “world class . . . city like Auckland”.
A Big Sleepout organiser said other big names in New Zealand joining in the event included Richie Hardcore, former Waitakere City mayor Sir Bob Harvey, and Mai FM’s Dani Fennessy.
Green Party member and former Auckland mayoral candidate Chloe Swarbrick would also be sleeping rough.
On her fundraising page, she said seeing people sleeping on the streets was a “rarity” when she was a child.
“Homelessness has now become so common that we, as a society, have almost become accustomed to it. Instinct has become to ignore the problem, instead of [acting] to solve the crisis.”